The Bunkest/Episodes/Season 1: Some Pun on the Word 'Bran'

"Some Pun on the Word 'Bran'" is the fourth episode of the first season of The Bunkest.

Synopsis
Jasmine discovers a promotional event from BranCorp that states that if someone manages to eat enough bran, bran will start to taste good. You know what this means! Another ridiculous and unnecessary bran adventure!

Transcript
(Pan in on Bunkest, then zoom into Jasmine, who is looking around for something to eat.)

Jasmine: (Looks in pantry, only to notice it's empty.) Hmmph. (Looks in fridge, but it's also empty.) Hmmmph. (Looks around kitchen, but it's also also empty.) Hmmmmph. (Pulls head out doorway and into living room.) Hey, everybody, we don't have any food left.

Pixel: (in a chair playing OK K.O.! Let's Play Heroes on the Xbox One) Yeah, we know.

Jasmine: I'm gonna go grocery shopping, you want anything?

Timebomb:

Pixel: Strawberry milk, shrimp and oysters.

Moon Snail: Maybe some Ramen Noodles!

Flametail: You have, like, a thousand of it already, Moon.

Moon Snail: Don't care. More noodles!

Jasmine: Alright, sounds good! See y'all in a few! (Jasmine walks out door and down the street of Bunker Desert City, USA, on her way to the grocery story, when suddenly a TV turns on in the story behind her. It shows a kid looking bored over a bowl of cereal. Jasmine looks behind her, and at the TV.)

BranCorp Announcer: Hey, kid! (Kid looks up at camera.) Do you like the taste of bran?

Kid: (Excited tone, smiling) No, not in the slightest!

BranCorp Announcer: Neither do we! But that can change!

Kid: (Amazed) *gasp* How?

BranCorp Announcer: It's simple, really! (Cut to image of scale holding several boxes of an indeterminate Bran) If you buy at least thirty-seven metric tons of Bran, (37 METRIC TONS flashes on screen) Bran will no longer taste like cardboard! (Cut back to kid)

Kid: Wow!

(Cut to BranCorp announcer)

BranCorp Announcer: That's right! And as a bonus, whoever finishes 37 metric tons first will get a free t-shirt, and a free box of New Bran! So ORDER NOW! (ORDER NOW flashes on screen, and it cuts back to show Jasmine on the street)

Jasmine: Bran tasting good? Thirty-seven metric tons?! That's a good deal!

BranCorp Announcer: (Reaching out of TV) I know! (gets out card and pen) Just sign here, and I'll get you started right away!

Jasmine: I'd be dumb not to! (Jasmine signs card)

BranCorp Announcer: Alrighty! (reaches into TV and pulls out thirty-seven metric tons of bran) Here you go! (hands them to Jasmine, who nearly collapses from the weight. She starts walking back home.)

(Wipe to the Bunkest, and cut inside, where Jasmine is carrying several boxes of bran. The rest of the cast is just relaxing.)

Jasmine: Guess who just had an unexpected change of plans!

Moch: Jasmine, what are you carrying?

Jasmine: Thirty-seven metric tons of bran.

Everyone: (collectively) THIRTY-SEVEN METRIC TONS?!

Timebomb: Come on! You said we'd be having [insert beginning of LazyTown video here]

Jasmine: Yeah, I know! But some dude told be that if we ate thirty-seven metric tons of bran, it wouldn't taste like cardboard any more! And I am here to help the world. So dig in, everybody! (Slices open bran, causing it to flood the room, with only the heads of others peeking out of the bran.)

ACF: Er...Okay I guess? (throws a few in their mouth, cringes as they swallow it down) Do we have any milk to make this taste better?

Jasmine: Nope! Just plain ol' bran!

ACF: Dammit.

Jasmine: But don't worry, I am sure that it'll taste much better once we finish! Imagine... (Imagines world of milk and cookies and other tasty treats. She puts her spoon in a bowl of New! Bran, only to cut back to her eating it in real life. She cringes for a moment, then swallows. She starts to speak, albeit a little weakly.) You see? For the better of the world.

Moon Snail: Jas, I know that there's a good reason to eat Bran, but I'm not letting a grain of that filth touch my mouth.

Jasmine: (Pushing spoon near Moon Snail's face.) Come on.

Moon Snail: No.

Jasmine: (Continuing) Try it!

Moon Snail: Please no.

Jasmine: Here comes the airplane!

Moon Snail: (Continues to hesitate.)

Jasmine: Look out! The airplane's crashing into an orphanage! Stop it with your mouth!

Moon Snail: (Does nothing)

Jasmine: (Makes airplane noises as she crashes her spoon into the bran pile.) You see? That's what happens when you're selfish. A bunch of orphans die.

Pixel: Yeah, don't you care about orphans, Moon Snail?

Moon Snail: *Sigh*

Flametail: Just take some! *Stuffs the spoon into Moon Snail's mouth violently*

Moon Snail: *Chokes, then swallows the bran* That was the worst thing I ever tasted.

Flametail: Great! There's more where that came from! *Continues to feed Moon Snail Bran*

Moon Snail: *Muffled, tears filling his eyes* Please, stop!

Timebomb: Oh look, Moon Snail is being fed by his boyfriend! fak u gay boys.

Moon Snail: Says the boy who is dating a feral Siamese cat!

Timebomb: fak u moon snail.

Jasmine: Guys, guys, don't fight! We won't finish these thirty-seven metric tons of Bran without peace and harmony!

Moon Snail: Did you say thirty-seven metric tons?

Jasmine: Well, at this point it might be thirty-six point nine nine, but approximately, yeah.

Moon Snail: Thirty-seven metric tons.

Jasmine: That's what I said!

Moon Snail: Thirty-seven.

Jasmine: Now Moon Snail, no need to be a broken record. Now finish your bran. (Jasmine continues to eat the bran, but doesn't enjoy it much. She is still motivated by that free T-shirt, though.)

Moon Snail: Nope! I'm done! One spoon was too much for me! But I refuse to chug down that much of it! Goodb-

Timebomb: (Pushes down on Moon Snail's hands, locking him in place) Nope!

Moon Snail: Let me go!

Timebomb: fak u selfish zangoose.

Flametail: Now now... *Continues feeding Moon Snail Bran*

Moon Snail: This has to be a form of torture!

Tornadospeed: Hey, Jasmine?

Jasmine: *with a mouthful of bran* What's up?

Tornadospeed: When you say thirty-seven metric tons, how many boxes is that?

Jasmine: *swallows bran* Uh... that's not important. Just eat your bran. *continues eating bran*

Tornadospeed: Right. I don't remember what bran tastes like, but surely it's not so bad. *Shovels a massive spoonful into his mouth, spit-takes immediately after* Yikes! And we have to eat all of it?

Jasmine: Yep!

Tornadospeed: *eyes start to tear up*

(Some time has passed, but there is still tons of Bran flooding the Bunkest. Everyone is sick of eating this, but won't admit it)

Moon Snail: I feel like I'll puke at any moment...

Jasmine: Would you rather do this or watch every Adventure Time episode back to back?

Moon Snail: *Scoffs*

Jasmine: Because I'll make you do both if you keep that attitude.

Moon Snail: *Groans, eats another spoonful of Bran, wincing as he swallows*

ACF: Y'all if I eat one more spoonful of this stuff I'm going to die.

Jasmine: But Ace, we have about (counts to self) thirty-five point seven tons left! We can't give up now.

ACF: But Jaaaaaassss.

Jasmine: No buts! Eat your Bran, *now*. (Jasmine is getting scary)

ACF: Y-Yeah sure. (Shoves spoonful of Bran in mouth, but evidently really doesn't like it.) You know, I think I'm going to go to... place now.

Moon Snail: Yeah, me too.

Moch: Same here.

(everyone walks away, leaving Jasmine alone)

Jasmine: Okay, but y'all are missing out! There's more for me! (Pauses for a moment, then looks at Bran, speaking to it.) I don't like you very much.

(cuts away to everyone else hiding in place)

ACF: You know, I like hanging around Jas and all, but I think she's a little

Moon Snail: Completely insane?

ACF: I was going to say "wrong-minded," but that works too.

Bob: Well, she's clearly motivated. What are we supposed to do?

ACF: I dunno, hold a hunger strike?

(Everyone looks at one another, and shrugs.)

Moch: I don't see why not.

Tornadospeed: That shouldn't be too hard. After eating so much bran *shudders*, I won't be hungry for weeks.