Steamed Hams but it's Supernoobs

Shope: Well, Kevin, I made it- despite your directions.

Kevin: Ah. Superintendent Shope. Welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Shope: Yeah.

Kevin: Oh, no! My roast is ruined. But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Kevin.

Singers: Ah- Kevin with his crazy explanations. Shope's gonna need her medication when she hears Kevin's lame exaggerations, there'll be trouble in town tonight!

Shope: KEVIN!

Kevin: Superintendent Shope! I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

Shope: Why is there smoke coming out of the oven, Kevin?

Kevin: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams. Whew. Superintendent Shope, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Shope: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Kevin: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers!

Shope: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Kevin: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Shope: Uh-huh. Uh, what region?

Kevin: Uh, upstate New York?

Shope: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

Kevin: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

Shope: Ah, I see! You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at the local fast food joint...

Kevin: Oh, no. Patented Reynolds burgers! Old family recipe!

Shope: For steamed hams...?

Kevin: Yes.

Shope: Yes. And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled...

Kevin: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second.

Shope: Of course...

Kevin: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Shope: Yes. I should be- Holy cow! What is happening in there?

Kevin: Aurora borealis!

Shope: Uh, Aurora borealis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?!

Kevin: Yes.

Shope: May I please see it?

Kevin: No way!

Tyler: Kevin! Shope! The house is on fire!

Kevin: No way, Tyler! It's just the northern lights.

Shope: Well, Kevin, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham!

Tyler: Help! Help!