The transcript to that one episode of spongebob where plankton tries to commit suicide.

Mr. Krabs: [turns off lights, lights a cigar, and bathes in money] Ahh, that's the stuff. [sniffs] Hey, something don't smell right. SpongeBob! Hey, what are you burning out here, boy? SpongeBob: [sniffs] Hmm... I'd say a hydrated explosive. Mr. Krabs: EXPLOSIVE!? [Scene cuts to outside the Krusty Krab where Plankton is flying on a glider laughing evily] Plankton: Ha ha ha ha! Enjoy, Eugene! [activates bomb, which blows up roof] Mr. Krabs: PLANKTON! I just had that roof redone last week! Plankton: You will be re-re-doing it when I'm through with you! Mr. Krabs: Ready for instant? [SpongeBob takes off his hat and reveals a peas can. Krabs opens the can with his claw and pours all the peas into SpongeBob. He then uses SpongeBob as a gun] Fire! [SpongeBob shoots pass at Plankton. The peas shoot through Plankton's air glider. But Plankton blows a bubble over himself causing the peas to be deflected. The deflected peas hits the frying pans. One of the frying pans fall and hits SpongeBob. Plankton then fires a missile at them] Take cover! [Mr. Krabs picks up SpongeBob and uses him as a shield, but the missile just fall straight to the ground] Oh, ha, ha, it didn't blow up another dud, Plankton. Plankton: Another dud huh? [He pushed a button which causes the missile to transform into a robotic arm and it squeezes Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob] Mr Krabs: Oh, you're playing with fire now, Plankton! Plankton: No need to get worked up with this Krabs, just give me the secret formula and off I go. Mr. Krabs: Well you ain't getting it Plankton: Well I constrict you to reconsider. [presses button and arm squeezes harder] Mr. Krabs: Oh, go jump of a plank Plankton: Oh well, I have other ways of getting it when I need where is the formula Krabs? [tickles Mr. Krabs with feather] Mr. Krabs: ha ha ha ha! Plankton: still not going to talk 'ay' Krabs? [He tickles Mr. Krabs' nose with the feather causing him to sneeze and blowing Plankton to the ground] OK Krabs, I see you're still not going to crack but I don't think your underling is of the same metal. SpongeBob: I'll never talk Plankton: Well, we'll see what Mr.Feather has to say about that, SpongeBob: OK, OK! but I don't how to get into the safe behind the painting in Mr. Krabs' office that houses the secret formula! He won't let me near it! [Everyone pauses] Plankton: Clever, behind the painting ay Krabs? Mr. Krabs: Errrrrrrr... Plankton: [sniffs] Say what am I smelling? you got something burning? SpongeBob: [sniffs] Smells like blubber to me, Plankton: Bl bl blubber? Pearl: Daddy! Plankton: Ahhhhh! Call off your daughter Krabs! Call her off! Mr. Krabs: She's a big girl Plankton, I have no control over what she does. Oh, And you better watch out. I think she's extra hungry today. Plankton: Stay back whale! I'm pippy to what you do to organisms like me. I've seen those documentaries! [As he say this he backs up into the freezer] Pearl: Did he just go into the freezer? Plankton: [exits freezer and walks out the door] Don't say it! Pearl: I prefer salad over Plankton anyway. Mr. Krabs: Who knew Plankton was so afraid of whales? [chuckles evily] Pearl me darling daughter, you saved my business and my Formular now get us out of this trap. Pearl: Mall money. Mr. Krabs: Alright, alright. You're gettin' more like your old man every day. [gives dollar to Pearl]. Pearl, why don't you swing to the Chum Bucket on your way to the mall? Give Plankton a little scare? Pearl: Double my mall money! Mr. Krabs: [grunts] Alright, SpongeBob. It's your turn! SpongeBob: Here you go, Pearl. Buy something pretty. Pearl: Hey, this isn't money! SpongeBob: No, it's even better! It's the money Mr. Krabs pays ME with. [money is shown] Mr. Krabs' Wacky Bucks! Mr. Krabs: [to self] It's all catching up to me... [to Pearl] Please, Pearl? Pearl: No way! The Chum Bucket is, like, totally gross! Mr. Krabs: Hmmm... in that case, I'll need to borrow one of your dressers. SpongeBob & Pearl: Hummina-hunh?/Huh?! [Bubble transition to the Chum Bucket] Plankton: [runs inside] Karen: My triumphant husband returns. How'd you fail this time? Plankton: Krabs had a whale! Karen: You mean his big, scary, teenage daughter? Plankton: I hear that mocking tone in your voice Karen, and I don't appreciate it! Don't you remember what happened to my ancestors at the hands of those beasts? [Plankton's family is shown being eaten by a whale] Karen: OK When you take a break from your delusional paranoia, the trash needs some attention. It's ripened. [Bubble transition to Plankton taking out the trash] Pearl/Krabs: [emerges from dumpster] I'M HUNGRY! Plankton: [Screams. He runs back inside and bars the door] That should keep her out! Pearl/Krabs: [sneaks up behind him] I want Plankton meat! Plankton: Holy, protozoa! [runs out the lab] Karen! she's here! She got in! Karen: What are you talking about? Plankton: There's a whale in the laboratory! Karen: Are you out of your mind? Plankton: See for youreself! Karen: [checks the lab] No whale in here. Plankton: I swear! A whale was just in here. She was next to the transmutator. She was right here in this spot! Her mouth all frothy, her blowhole blowing! Karen: Oh that's enough Plankton! If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to more permanent primary functions. (rolls away) Plankton: Karen! Karen--! Karen: I'm not listening! Hm hm hm! Narrator: 16 Paranoia Filled Days Later... Karen: [off microphone] Plankton, your dinner is ready. Plankton, can you hear me? Plankton: Yes, Karen. I can hear you. Could you please bring it up? I can't risk stepping into the light. The whale might see me. [cries] Pearl/Krabs: [laughs. Bubble transition to night] Plankton: [Plankton is shown having a nightmare. He is seen being chased by Pearl and falls into her blowhole] Hey! Get me out of here! [Pearl flings him into her throat with her tongue. He falls into her stomache, where his ancestors find him] Grand-Dad: Hey Plankton! Glad you could join the rest of the family! Plankton: Grand-Dad? Grand-Dad: Yep, and you're pretty brave standing in that there gastric acid. Plankton: Gastric acid? [his body is half-burned] Noooo! [wakes up from nightmare and screams] I CAN'T TAKE IT! Oh, this is driving me crazy! [cries] Pearl/Krabs: [takes off disguise and laughs. Bubble transition to morning] Plankton: [crying] What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that whale! [lies down] That's it. I'm done. The 4:15 bus should be here any time now. SpongeBob: Hi, Plankton. Whatchya doin' laying on the middle of the road? Plankton: Go away, CheeseHead! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over? In fact, better yet just step on me as hard as you can, will ya? SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature. Plankton: Forget it kid. I'll just wait for the next bus. Go on back to the Krusty Krab and enjoy yourself SpongeBob: Okay! [Cut to the Krusty Krab] Mr. Krabs: [erases a picture of Plankton] Goodbye, Pipsqueak! SpongeBob: Sorry to interrupt your gloating sir, I just thought it would be pertinent for you to know that Plankton is laying on the street, forlorn. Mr. Krabs: Really? He's a mess! [laughs] SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I know you and Plankton are both sworn enemies and all, but putting on a dress to frighten him? Isn't that taking it a little too far? Mr. Krabs: May I remind you of the fact that you've disclosed the location of me safe, where I keep the secret formula? SpongeBob: No need to remind me, sir. I've broken Rule #2 of the Krusty Krab Rule Book: Never disclose the location of the secret formula! Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'll fix this. [scene cuts to Plankton] Plankton: [angrily] Man, what does it take to get run over around here?! SpongeBob: Hi, Plankton. Plankton: What, do you have mud in your ears? TAKE A HIKE! SpongeBob: Yes, I remember. But, I just wanted to tell that the secret formula is not, I repeat NOT, in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab. Plankton: What difference does it make? There's no point ever since I've been tortured by that blasted whale. SpongeBob: Don't worry. Everyone has a secret fear! For instance, Mr. Krabs's secret fear is... [whispers in Plankton's ear] Plankton: Really? SpongeBob: Mmm Hmm, and guess what else? that was Mr. Krabs in whale suit that you've been scared of. Plankton: So, you're saying that this whole time it was Krabs masquerading as a whale!? [angerliy] Why that conniving bottomfeeder! SpongeBob: But, certainly you wouldn't have use for such, innocuous information, would you? Plankton: No, of course not. SpongeBob: Well, back to your self-distructive behavior, Plankton. Thank you for this talk! Plankton: No, no. Thank YOU! [laughs evily. Bubble transition] Mr. Krabs: This is almost too fun! [puts on costume] Plankton ain't even a challenge no more! Plankton: Oh, is that so. Mr. Krabs: Oh, Plankton. Back for more, aren'y ya? Okay, here it goes. [breaths deeply] Boo! Plankton: You don't scare me, Krabs. Mr. Krabs: I ain't Krabs, I'm... uh, I mean... [Pearl's voice] I'm Pearl, not Krabs. Plankton: The jig is up, Krabs. I know all about the suit, AND your secret fear! Mr. Krabs: Secret fear? [regular voice] What are you talkin' about? Plankton: See for yourself. [the robotic arm squeezes Mr. Krabs] Enjoy the show! [a mime is shown] Mr. Krabs: No. No. Muh-muh-make it stop! Please! Plankton: Doesn't feel so good on the other end of the stick, doesn't it scaredy pants? I feel wonderful! SpongeBob: Um, Plankton, if I were you I wouldn't be so smug. Plankton: Why? SpongeBob: Because a hungry pod of whales have just arrived for its early feeding. [whales are outside] Plankton: [scared] Ahhhh! Not another feeding! Get me out of here! [removes a nail from the floor and jumps inside. SpongeBob puts a cork in the hole, turns off a projector, making the whales disappear, and gets Mr. Krabs out of the robot arm] Mr. Krabs: Whew! You really redeemed yourself boy! [to mime] Okay, you're beginning to creep me out.