The Bunkest/Episodes/Season 1: Bunkest Scouts

"Bunkest Scouts" is the nineteenth episode of the first season of The Bunkest.

Synopsis
The Bunkmates form a scout group and go on a camping trip. Hilarity enuses.

Transcript
Narrator: Ah, Bikini Bott-, err I mean ze Bunkest! Shit!

Moch: ...I feel like camping today!

Moon Snail: Cool. ...Why?

Moch: I dunno. Just randomly felt the urge to go camping.

Moon Snail: Okay? Well, I won't object, but I found it a bit strange and-

Moch: Random?

Moon Snail: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Madi: I just heard you guys say that you were going camping! I'd love to come along! Maybe some of my Pokemon are gonna come along!

Moch: What Pokemon are you gonna bring?

Madi: Gust, Ursa, Zippity DoDa, and Exploud! I've already got my belt on!

Tornadospeed: I'd love to go camping, but you guys remember what happened last time, right?

(Cutaway shot to a massive raging forest fire, and Madi's Charizard, Charlie looking really guilty)

Madi: You are never going on a camping trip again!

(Cut back to the Bunkest)

Moch: Relax! This time, we're gonna make fire the old-fashioned way, with sticks and rocks!

Tornadospeed: That doesn't make me feel any better.

Timebomb: How about we go somewhere scenic like the Foolish Magistrate's village?

Moon Snail: Yeah! Or maybe anywhere else.

Bob: Moon Snail!

Moon Snail: What?

Flametail: I was thinking somewhere more segregated. Like, maybe out in the meadows.

Tornadospeed: Wait! I know the idea. This is gonna blow all of you people's minds!

Madi: What?

Tornadospeed: Camp Kidney!

(Everyone cheers in agreement)

Timebomb: Guys, how 'bout we build a new Random-ness Wiki Van to get us to Camp Kidney?



Phineas: The new and improved Random-ness Wiki Van is complete!

(Excited murmuring)

Timebomb: Alright, let's go!

Tornadospeed: Wait! Aren't we gonna pack?

Moch: I actually packed while Phineas and Ferb were building the New Random-ness Wiki Van! Check it out. (presents huge camping backpack full of stuff)

Tornadospeed: Whoa, real shit?

Moch: I got everything we need! I have enough tents to hold all of us, extra comfy sleeping bags, plenty of food and water, all the toiletries we need, you name it.

Moon Snail: That looks heavy.

Moch: No worries, I work out.

Timebomb: Alright, let's go!

(Everyone gets in the New Random-ness Wiki Van)

BJ: I'll drive.



BJ: Alright, we're here!

(The van pulls up to the entrance of Camp Kidney)

(Slinkman appears and walks up to the driver's window)

Slinkman: What is this? Who are you?

Ace: We're campers!

Slinkman: Campers, eh? Well sorry, but this camp is for Bean Scouts only.

BJ: I object.

Slinkman: No objections. If you're not Bean Scouts, you can't be here. I don't get paid enough to deal with this. (walks away)

Timebomb: Well fine! We'll make our own scout group!

Ace: That's a neat idea, actually.

Moon Snail: Yeah! We can do cool stuff and earn patches!

(General murmurs of agreement)

BJ: Alright, let's go drive into the woods then.

(The Van drives off)

Tornadospeed: You know, I'm glad we didn't get into Camp Kidney. Now we can camp in the woods, like true warriors of the wilderness.

Madi: And I'm excited to be a scout and do cool scout stuff! Maybe it might feel like home for Ursa! Right, Ursa?

Ursa: Ursaring!

Moch: It just to happens that I brought specially-fitted scout uniforms for everyone, and boxes pull of patches we can earn!

Moon Snail: That's convenient.

Ace: Wait, who's going to be our scoutmaster?

(Robbie Rotten appears)

Robbie Rotten: I will!

Madi: Okay...you know what? You should be our scoutmaster.

Robbie Rotten: Yes! thank you, young lady!

Moon Snail: Now that we have a scoutmaster, let's do this trip!

(Moon Snail sings "Bunkest Scouts")



BJ: This looks like a good spot. (Parks the van)

(Everyone shuffles out of the van)

Robbie Rotten: Alright! Everyone got their uniforms on?

(Literally no one has their uniform on)

Robbie Rotten: Just put them on over your normal clothes. We need to move on to our first order of business.

(People put their uniforms on)

Robbie Rotten: As scoutmaster, I am in charge of awarding patches! And the first patch, the Tent Pitching Patch, will be awarded to everyone who helps put up all the tents!

Moch: (Puts down pack and takes out all the tents)

Robbie Rotten: And the second patch, the "Please Don't Do This to the Cats" Patch, will be awarded to everyone who ignores the oversexed cat fanatic, who wants to marry a Sagwa character!

Timebomb: Hey!

Robbie Rotten: The third patch, the "Pokemon Control" patch will be award to whoever keeps control of their Pokemon!

Moon Snail: Does this count us?

Robbie Rotten: Hmm... Nah. only Madi's Pokemon. The fourth patch, the "Hot Stuff" patch will be awarded to whoever can start a campfire fastest, and the fifth is "Surviving Your Wilderness Fear" patch!

Flametail: Easy! (Sets up sticks and shoots flames at them, starting a campfire)

Tornadospeed: I thought we agreed to use sticks and rocks!

Flametail: Sorry dude, there're patches at stake now.

Tornadospeed: Robbie, you gotta cool it with the patches. We haven't even set up the tents yet!

Moch: (struggling to pitch a tent) I'm working on it!

Robbie Rotten: And I need a co-scoutmaster!

Madi: How about me?

Robbie Rotten: Okay then. I'll prepare more patches.

Bob: Hey, can Moch and I get some help with the tents?

Ace: Oh yeah, sure.

(The campers gather around a messy bundled-up tent)

Moon Snail: Did you bring the instructions, Moch?

Moch: Oh, sure, they're around here somewhere. Uhhhh (digs through the huge camping bag for a while)

Tornadospeed: I don't know a single thing about tents.

Ace: Hey, that tree over there's on fire.

(Everyone looks at the tree, which is on fire, and Flametail is hiding behind a rock)

Tornadospeed: Oh, goddamnit.

(Gust throws a bucket of water onto the flaming tree and puts the fire out.)

Ace: Thanks, Gust!

Gust: Beautifly!

Robbie Rotten: Annoying Cartoon Network characters! Stealing my thunder!

Moch: Ah! Here it is! *Tosses the manual over to Ace*

Ace: Thanks, Moch. Let's see...

(Tent building montage. The campers work together to build all the tents.)

Robbie Rotten: I am pleased to announce that everyone here gets a Tent Pitching Patch for their excellent tent pitching work!

(Madi hands each camper a patch. There are cheers and high fives all around.)

Madi: It seems to be getting dark. It's time to build a fire. And just to be safe, we're only going to build one fire, and we'll award the "Hot Stuff" Patch to everyone who helps.

Tornadospeed: I'll go look for some firewood. We'll probably need a few more folks looking elsewhere, too.

Bob: I'll go.

Ace: Me, too.

Madi: Be careful not to get lost!

(Tornadospeed, Bob, and Ace all set out in different directions)

Timebomb: Now what?

BJ: We should probably arrange some rocks in a circle. You know, like a campfire.

Flametail: (Holding a big armful of rocks) Oh, I've actually been collecting big rocks this whole time. (Dumps them on the ground in front of him)



Bob: (Walks back into camp with an armful of branches) I'm back.

Moon Snail: Sweet. Toss those in that rock circle there.

(Tornadospeed and Ace come back and add their wood to the pile)

(Cut to Madi and Robbie Rotten. Madi is doing a dance and taps Robbie Rotten's leg.)

Madi: Er...Robbie?

Robbie Rotten: Yes?

Madi: I really need the toilet!

Robbie Rotten: There's no indoor plumbing around here.

Madi: I don't understand why.

(Robbie Rotten gives Madi toilet paper and points to a bush.)

Robbie Rotten: Behind there. It's private.

Madi: I'm afraid, but okay...

Robbie Rotten: Don't worry, you'll be fine.

(Madi reluctantly walks behind the bush with the toilet paper)

Madi: I can do this. Everything will be fine. Deep breaths.

(Cut back to the other campers, gathered around the campfire)

Flametail: Can I light the fire?

Moch: Wait, I got this. (smacks some rocks together a bunch of times)

BJ: I know what to do. Does anyone have a mixtape?

Madi: (emerges from behind the bush triumphantly) Hey guys! I conquered by wilderness fear!

(People clap and say "congratulations")

Robbie Rotten: I guess I owe you that patch, huh?

Madi: Yes, yes you do.

Pixel: (whispering) Hand over the patch...

(Robbie Rotten passes over the patch to Madi. Madi sticks it on her sash.)

(People clap and say "congratulations")

Timebomb: She seriously got a patch for peeing in the woods?

Tornadospeed: We can get a patch for peeing in the woods? Hell yeah! (Runs into some bushes)

Madi: Only if it’s your wilderness fear!

(Moon Snail is at a lake. He grabs a fish out of it.)

Moon Snail: Hoo, this is a big one! This has to be worth a patch! (Runs back to the camp) Lookie here! I got a big fish!

Madi: Holy moly! That is really big! Nice catch!

Moon Snail: Is there a patch for a catch this big?

Robbie Rotten: Let me check the Big Book of Scout Patches! (Picks up a huge hardback manual and starts flipping through it). A-ha! Moon Snail, your patch is awarded.

(Robbie Rotten gives Moon Snail the patch. Moon Snail sticks it onto his sash.)

Madi: I packed the s'mores items! We're gonna make s'mores!

Flametail: Oh hell yeah! S'mores are my favorite part of camping!

Tornadospeed: And we just got the campfire set up!

(Cut to Timebomb and Dongwa making out)

Moon Snail: Timebomb, Dongwa, get to work!

Tornadospeed: (to Moon Snail) Looks like someone (you) won't get the "Please Don't Do This to the Cats" Patch.

Robbie Rotten: Flametail earns the "Please Don't Do This to the Cats" Patch, for ignoring Timedong!

Flametail: Man, I'm on a roll!

Pixel: ...You got two patches.

Bob: Remember, guys. Patches are not a contest.

Ace: Yeah. Let's calm down and enjoy some s'mores.

(Everyone sits by the fire. Several campers affix some marshmallows to skewers and start roasting them.)

BJ: It's funny though. Flametail's the only one who got the "Please Don't Do This to the Cats" Patch, even though nearly everyone here ignored Timebomb as well.

Timebomb: People say me and Dongwa overdo it with the smexy things.

Bob: Yeah, since you like to sex up cats.

Moon Snail: Hey guys, we're about to eat some s'mores here. Please don't ruin my appetite.

Madi: (takes her Pokemon from out of their Poke Balls) You want s'mores, guys?

Gust: Beautifly, Beautifly, Beau!

Exploud: Exploud!

Ursa: Ursaring, ursa!

Zippity DoDa: Electabuzz!

Madi: Okay!

(Madi tosses the s'mores to her Pokemon, and they catch them.)

Moon Snail: Hey, these are great! May I have some more? ...Oooh, that's why they're called that.

Jasmine: Don't eat too many! Don't wanna get bad health!

Robbie Rotten: Ha! Don't listen to her! Eat as many as your little Zangoose mouth can handle!

Moon Snail: Just a couple more.

Robbie Rotten: How about a couple dozen more?

Moon Snail: Yeesh. That sounds like too much to handle.

Robbie Rotten: You're weak. *Tosses two s'mores over to Moon Snail*

(We pan over to Timebomb and Dongwa re-enacting the spaghetti kiss scene from Lady and the Tramp with a s'more)

Dongwa: Oh Timebomb...

(the two finish eating the s'more and kiss. Everyone but Flametail looks at them and sighs)

Robbie Rotten: Ha! You guys just locked yourselves out of the patch!

(Flametail winks at the rest of the bunkmates)

Dongwa: Hey Flametail... wanna come over to me and Timebomb's recently-purchased RV at bedtime and... um... play?

Flametail: *blushes* Maybe...

Moon Snail: God damn it, my own boyfriend is being pulled into Timebomb's cat sexing shenanigans.

Pixel: Eew, gross! Flametail, don’t buy into it! It’ll traumatize you!

Tornadospeed: Hey, this is camping! No sex allowed!

Robbie Rotten: All sex-havers will have all their patches taken away!

Flametail: Brbrbr! What? What was I talking about?

Pixel: Err, nothing!

Flametail: Is there something in these s'mores?

Dongwa: I laced the s'mores with kitty litter I spread on Timebomb's face during our make-out sessions.

Pixel: Laced them with what?

Moon Snail: ...Excuse me for one second. (Runs behind a tree and vomits)

Tornadospeed: (opens mouth, letting a bit of s'mores fall out) (gets up) I'm going fishing. (picks up fishing gear from a tent and walks to the lake)

Timebomb: Dongie did this because ALL OF YOU ARE HOMOPHOBES!

Moon Snail: But my lover's a bo-

Timebomb: WHO CARES!

Dongwa: Me and Timebomb have the right to be a couple, you guys! And we're gonna show it! In bed!

Pixel: We're not mad about you two being in love. We're mad about you two ALWAYS talking about fucking, even when we're eating!

Robbie Rotten: Well, it's near bedtime... EVERYBODY GO TO BED.

Moon Snail: Good. I'm gonna need a reeeeaaalll good rest after the shit that happened tonight.

(Everyone goes to bed.)



(We see Timebomb and Dongwa snuggling)

(Cut to outside the tents)

Madi: We're going to have a good day today!

Pixel: Oh, good. What's for breakfast?

Moon Snail: What are our options?

Madi: We could drive to the nearest Waffle House?

Moch: What? We're camping! We can't eat at Waffle House!

Tornadospeed: Their waffles are gross anyway.

Madi: How about... McDonald's.

Moch: No!

(We cut to Timebomb and Dongwa waking up)

Timebomb: Good morning hot Siamese husband.

Dongwa: Zaoshang hao, my lover.