Cool Cat Is Love, Cool Cat Is Life

>I was only 9 years old

>I loved Cool Cat so much, I had all the merchandise and movies

>I pray to Cool Cat every night before bed, thanking him for the life I’ve been given

>"Cool Cat is love" I say; “Cool Cat is life”

>My dad hears me and calls me a pansy

>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Cool Cat

>I called him a moron

>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep

>I’m crying now, and my face hurts

>I lay in bed and it’s really cold

>Suddenly, a furry warmth is moving towards me

>It’s Cool Cat

>I am so happy

>He whispers into my ear “I think every kid has something special inside of em.”

>He grabs me with his powerful cat mascot hands and puts me down on my back

>I’m ready

>He rips me open and starts to rip out my small intestine

>It hurts so much but I do it for Cool Cat

>I can feel my body as my eyes start to water

>I then feel my heart being devoured

>I want to please Cool Cat

>He lets out a mighty GUUUUU as he eats my heart

>My dad walks in

>Cool Cat looks him straight in the eyes and says “I'm Cool Cat and I love all kids.”

>Derek Savage pulls up in the Cool Cat Mobile

>Cool Cat leaves through my window

>Cool Cat is love. Cool Cat is life, I say as I lay on my bed in a pool of blood