Why I'm scared of Pigeons

Pigeons are scary

They are scary because when I go out into the street they stop cooing and they stare at me and lick their lips and stare at my tie. Not sure why. But I spend every waking hour in my life dreading going outside, because THEY'RE THERE!!!!

It began with my childhood. I accidentally stood on a pigeons foot, so it pecked me, so i kicked it, so the rest of them pecked me, so I set my pet special breed of dog, called the birdinator that can kill 10 in a second. I dont think they ever forgot that.

I have horrible recurring nightmares when I see them, and there are so many and they come after me and peck me to some horrible point between life and death, where you are in a horrible pain but you won't be put out of your misery. Its why the bags under my eyes are touching the floor.

The pigeons gather outside my house, watching me go about my life, waiting, planning, planning when and how they will attack my house and eat me. They are causing problems in my daily life, I think I mus be cr-

Excuse me sir, but I am not a therapist, so are you going to order a burger, or are you going to sort out your problems?

Sorry, sorry, I'll take a triple bacon, with cheese.