Steamed Hams but its Pound Puppies

Cooler: Well, Reflex, I made it- despite your directions.

Reflex: Ah. Superintendent Cooler. Welcome. - I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Cooler: Yeah.

Reflex: Oh, poop! My roast is ruined. But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Olly.

Singers: Ah- Reflex with his crazy explanations. The superintendent's gonna need his medication When he hears Reflex's lame exaggerations There'll be trouble in town tonight!

Cooler: REFLEX!

Reflex: Superintendent, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?

Cooler: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Reflex?

Reflex: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams.

Reflex: Whew. Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Cooler: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Reflex: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Cooler: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Reflex: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Cooler: Uh-huh. Uh, what region?

Reflex: Uh, upstate New York?

Cooler: Really. Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

Reflex: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

Cooler: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at the Bark and Gorwl Cafe.

Reflex: Oh, no. Patented Pound Puppy burgers. Old family recipe.

Cooler: For steamed hams.

Reflex: Yes.

Cooler: Yes. And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Reflex: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second.

Cooler: Of course.

Reflex: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Cooler: Yes. I should be- Good Lord! What is happening in there?

Reflex: Aurora borealis.

Cooler: Uh- Aurora borealis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?

Reflex: Yes.

Cooler: May I see it?

Reflex: No.

Colette: Reflex! The house is on fire!

Reflex: No, Colette. It's just the northern lights.

Cooler: Well, Reflex, you are an odd fellow but I must say you steam a good ham.

Colette: Help! Help!