Stories from the mind of American che

Hello! You know me. I'm American che. (If you don't know me, you obviously have issues.) Every Friday in my Language Arts class we do a thing called a Friday Freewrite. Here are a few of mine. (Some have been prompted.)

Also, if they mention names, they have been asterisk'd out for privacy. I know you're not stalkers but I need their permish before I post their names on the internet.

Prompt: Write an apology from a book that is very clumsy.

Dear Mr. Librarian:

I am terribly sorry that I set your hair on fire. I hope the burns aren't too bad. However, I think you should use light bulbs instead of candles to light the library, knowing that you have klutzy books like me. Therefore, there could be a lot less singed hair if you got light bulbs, especially eco-friendly ones.

Once again, I am very sorry about your now bald and scalded head. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,
 * Twilight

www.irrationalfears.com

How many times has someone told you they were afraid of beach balls lighting them on fire and you thought, Hey, I wish I knew what the word for that was?

Wonder no more! www.irrationalfears.com has all you'll need to know for names of oddly specific fears!


 * Bubblegumagusphobia: fear of being turned into bubblegum
 * HeyOMGwhutupthiswordisreallylongohnoaaahphobia: fear of long words said by a fourteen-year-old girl while texting
 * Afrophobia: fear of afros strangling you in your sleep
 * Phobiophobiophobiophobiophobiophobia: fear of fear of fear of fear of fear of fears
 * Verdechatophobia: fear of green cats
 * Ladibuhgophobia: fear of ladybugs

Don't see your irrational fear? Email your request to strudelcutie4427@yahoo.com!

www.irrationalfears.com

This morning, I was craving apple pie. When I walked into first period, I found out why. My previous teacher had been fired and replaced with an apple that was currently lighting a model of a student on fire. She asked for a volunteer and A** pushed D*** towards the front of the room so as to light him on fire harmlessly. When the teacher lit him on fire it turned out it was a special fire that didn't hurt people but burnt other things. He was so shocked to find himself on fire that he ran around bumping into the walls. As a result the school burned down.

The End.

(Prepare for an ambush of randomness. Seriously, I must have had too much sugar or something. By the way, my school really does have four floors. The stairs are a killer.)

Once there was a rock. His name was Muffin. He was an entertainer at birthday parties, but didn't do much business. Why? He was a rock. All he did was sit there. The kids would sit and watch him. He was famous among parents for being the most boring thing on earth. One time at a party a dog picked him up and chewed him to death. This dog had very strong jaws. And so ends the tale of Muffin the Bad Birthday Entertainer.

Jug jug jug jug jug jug jug jug jug jug.

I had a jug. His name was Phillipe. Phillipe fell out the window and smashed. I was on the fourth floor and was leaning out the window, drinking from Phillipe the Water Jug. M***** poked me on the leg and I jumped and dropped Phillipe to the ground. A little shard of Phillipe came flying up from all the rubble. Everyone stared. I waved and that's how my story ends.

Hello. I am a fire-breathing butterfly. I have no purpose in life. I breathed fire on a cat, but it was so fat it didn't feel it. I enjoy eating banunicorns. They taste like jelly jugs. After I ate one, I sneezed sparks and set a Twilight book on fire. A girl named R**** came up and hugged me. I died then. You can't touch a butterfly without it dying. I'm just glad I achieved my life's goal.

Love,
 * the fire-breathing butterfly