Time for a story

Sit around kids, time for a story...that I made on a generator.

It all started when our uber geek, NC, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling barely exasperated, NC hit a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he realized that his beloved Wii U was missing! Immediately he called his lover, BJ. NC had known BJ for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. BJ was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... dimwitted. NC called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

BJ picked up to a very mad NC. BJ calmly assured him that most venomous koalas cringe before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually flamboyantly grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting NC. Why was BJ trying to distract NC? Because he had snuck out from NC's with the Wii U only three days prior. It was a saucy little Wii U... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before NC got back to the subject at hand: his Wii U. BJ sighed. Relunctantly, BJ invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Wii U. NC grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, BJ realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Wii U and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if NC took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least three minutes before NC would get there. But if he took the Bagel Car? Then BJ would be ridiculously screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, BJ was interrupted by four stupid Tigers that were lured by his Wii U. BJ turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he skillfully reached for his potato and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Bagel Car rolling up. It was NC.

o0o

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, NC was out of the Bagel Car and went exotically jaunting toward BJ's front door. Meanwhile inside, BJ was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Wii U into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his canoe. BJ was relieved but at least the Wii U was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' BJ exotically purred. With a calculated push, NC opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid coke fiend in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' BJ assured him. NC took a seat ridiculously far from where BJ had hidden the Wii U. BJ yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But NC was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, BJ noticed a selfish look on NC's face. NC slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

BJ felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when NC asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Wii U right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on NC's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. NC nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before BJ could react, NC fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Wii U was plainly in view.

NC stared at BJ for what what must've been ten hours. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, BJ groped scandalously in NC's direction, clearly desperate. NC grabbed the Wii U and bolted for the door. It was locked. BJ let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, NC,' he rebuked. BJ always had been a little dimwitted, so NC knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before BJ did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Wii U tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

BJ looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from NC. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for NC. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. BJ walked over to the window and looked down. NC was gone.

o0o

Just yonder, NC was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind BJ's place. NC had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Tigers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Wii U. One by one they latched on to NC. Already weakened from his injury, NC yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Tigers running off with his Wii U.

But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored NC's Wii U. Feeling displeased, God smote the Tigers for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and jetted away with the fortitude of 11,000 legless puppies running from a shrunken pack of long-haired sea monkeys. NC tripped with joy when he saw this. His Wii U was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, Marvin Marvin, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet gun'). NC was ecstatic. And so, everyone except BJ and a few malaria-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.