Ham: The Musical

Do you like singing? Then star in this new Broadway show:

=Ham: The Musical!= Starring Mochlum and um... uh... what are we talking about? ________________________________ |        Sign-Up List          | |                              | |           Mochlum           | |                              | |                             | |                               | |                             | |                               | |                             | |                               | |                             | |_______________________________| Hurry while we still have parts!

Available Characters
Once you sign up, choose who you want to be.
 * Ham (hero) played by Mochlum
 * Toaster Oven (villain) played by ?
 * Cheese (sidekick) played by ?
 * Smurf (?) played by ?
 * Platypus (Narrator) played by ?

Songs

 * This is a PLACE
 * I HATE YOU!
 * We Are Better Then Toasters

Script
Platypus: Grurururururururururu. TRANSLATION. Once upon a time I ate a waffle. Then I told a story. The story is about ham. The ham lived in a kitchen happily until one day, an evil Toaster Oven moved in from some foriegn country by this name: Wallmart. It was horrible. Ham's family was being melted in there. Ham was the last living member of his family, so he ran away from his hometown, Fridge. He moved to a new place, called Pantry. And this is were this story starts...

(a large closet is shown. Then the Ham pulls out a microphone.)

Ham: (singing) This is a place!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want some paste!!!!!!!!!!!

To glue myself here!!!!!!!!!!!

So I don't run home in fear!!!!!!!!

Of the TOASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Platypus: Grururururururururu. TRANSLATION. Then a giant stampede of smurfs ran in trampling Ham but one was left behind. Then I ate a waffle. Then I continued telling the story. The smurf was happy because he hated his family and hugged ham.

Smurf: FRIEND!

Ham: GET OFF ME!

Smurf: NO!

Ham: (singing) I HATE SMURFS!

Smurf: (singing) I HATE HAM!

Ham and Smurf: (singing) I HATE YOU!

Smurf: (singing) I wuv wu new neighbor.

(Cheese walks in)

Cheese: What is going on?

Smurf: I wuv my new neighbor.

Ham: This guy sucks!

Cheese: Stop fighting guys!

Ham: Fine.

Smurf: I am going to go potty! YAY!

Platypus: Grurururururururururu. TRANSLATION. When the smurf left and went weewee, Cheese and Ham decided to go fight Toaster Oven. Then I ate a waffle. Then an another. Then another. Then I paused. I walked to the bathroom. I sat down. I went pee. I got up. I flushed the toilet. I left without washing my hands, then made waffle for my friends. They ate one and then hated me. Then I continued my story. The Toaster Oven was mad and spit Cheese and almost killed him. Ham was mad.

Ham: You are a bully!

Toaster Oven: I know! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHa! Now you will die!

(Toaster Oven tried eating Ham, but Ham used his special weapon.)

Ham: You may have the power of heat, but I have the power of...

Toaster Oven: Of WHAT? Let me guess, "positive attidute", "nicely thnking", "happiness".

Ham: No. It.....is.....HIGH-PITCHED OPERA!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I CAN SING HIGH-PITCHED AND YOU CANNOT YOU

TOASTER OVEN JERK!

(the smurf jumped in and joined him.)

Ham and Smurf:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

WE ROCK, AND YOU DON'T SINCE WE'RE FOOD,

''AND YOUR A STUPID APPLIANCE! YOU JERK!''

(Cheese got up and joined them)

Ham and Smurf and Cheese:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

WE ROCK, YOU DON'T, YOUR A TOASTER,

WE'RE FOOD, WE GET THE HONOR OF GETTING ATE!

''AND YOU DON'T! YOU ARE MEAN! SO GO AND NEVER COME BACK!''

EEEEEEEEEEEVER!

Platypus: Nice show! The Toaster Oven went away and never came back. Nobody is sure about where he is, but it is rumoured that he moved to a new country called "Goodwill" and the natives there took him immedietly. Ham and Cheese moved to Fridge, and Smurf left the area to achieve his life-long dream of starring on Broadway. It is rumoured that he will star in the new version of "Wicked". The final fate that must be dicussed... is mine. I moved to Las Vegas and won a game of gambling, so I became a multi-trillionare. I bought all the countries in the world and retired. I was good at retiring that I beat a proffesional retirer at shuffleboard and golf! I rock! Wait a minute, is it just me, or am I only explaining my story and not anybody elses... nah... It's just me...

=THE END=

or is it?
=DA DA DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!=