Steamed Hams but with Wishfart

Kill me.

Dez: Well, Puffin, I made it- despite your directions.

Puffin: Ah. Superintendent Dez. Welcome. - I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Dez: Yeah.

Puffin: Oh, no! My roast is ruined. But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Puffin.

Singers: Ah- Puffin with his crazy explanations. The superintendent's gonna need his medication When he hears Puffin's lame exaggerations There'll be trouble in town tonight!

Dez: PUFFIN!

Puffin: Superintendent, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?

Dez: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Puffin?

Puffin: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams. Whew. Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Dez: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Puffin: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Dez: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Puffin: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Dez: Uh-huh. Uh, what region?

Puffin: Uh, upstate New York?

Dez: Really. Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

Puffin: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

Dez: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Puffin: Oh, no. Patented Puffin burgers. Old family recipe.

Dez: For steamed hams.

Puffin: Yes.

Dez: Yes. And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Puffin: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second.

Dez: Of course.

Puffin: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Dez: Yes. I should be- Good Lord! What is happening in there?

Puffin: Aurora borealis.

Dez: Uh- Aurora borealis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?

Puffin: Yes.

Dez: May I see it?

Puffin: No.

Akiko: Puffin! The house is on fire!

Puffin: No, Akiko. It's just the northern lights.

Dez: Well, Puffin, you are an odd fellow but I must say you steam a good ham.

Akiko: Help! Help!