Gaben Cannot Count to Three INVESTIGATION

Here's why Gaben cannot count to three.

Gaben is a fat guy. We already know that. But he's awesome. So you freakin' deal with it. Gaben cannot count to three because three killed his parents and he's the one who ate nine, not seven. Because three ate seven, eight and nine before seven could do anything.

Wow, offtopic, right?

Anyways, Gaben hates three. That's what started The Valve War and The Valve War II. Where they used the Gaben Is Fat Bomb to destroy three. But that was three's non-important cousin who ate pizza at Chuck E Cheeses. Gaben created Portal and Portal 2 to destroy three. For some reason, the box gave three's sister a paper cut and she exploded. Three then added three to himself. So then he became the evil six. That's why there was no Portal 3. Because three destroyed it while they were making it.

Three or six's entire family died because of Valve. Three or six then added himself to 9001 and 16.5 so he became a dog with a scouter. He will forever be known as "9001.5". 9001.5 killed Gaben. But he came back to life because of a magic chocolate bar he ate three weeks ago. Gaben then used all his power to destroy 9001.5.

The end.

And that's the story of how I destroyed 9001.5. Goodnight kids, and eat your vegetables and drink water. And have good dreams.

"We won't."

YES YOU WILL.

"Nope."

"YOU WILL".

After that, Gaben exploded and his kids moved to Florida. The end for real.