HeadlineSmasher: The best website on the internet

HeadlineSmasher is a website that can make fake headlines by fusing together two real ones. Here are some examples:
 * Microsoft announces tons of issues
 * Bitcoins can now legally marry
 * I'd fuck a dragon
 * When I stopped eating for 2 minutes and 30 seconds
 * Life's too short to write believable female characters
 * Teen girl unimpressed with own ability to walk on water.
 * KFC is turning disabled kids into awesome cyborgs
 * Nintendo's been thinking of possibly making a video game
 * Loading your gun on television? Oh, right, Fox news.
 * I'm disappointed by the letters W and M.
 * 21 cooking tips that will kill us all
 * Skeleton found in people's bodies. Unreal.
 * The world's oldest woman dies at age 9.
 * Nearly 70 percent of her life was an 80s training montage
 * 50 things you might have heard
 * Scandal: Politican goes to work
 * President Obama vows to 'fucking destroy' the taxi industry
 * Activision: We may, in fact, be afraid of the MOON!
 * The lesbian version of oculus rift is going viral and nobody can explain
 * Nasa is testing new menu items - and you are looking delicious.
 * 7 Memes that went horribly wrong
 * Let's build a house for $5
 * In space, no one cares anymore
 * I can't stop giving mass murderers their own theme music
 * What are you, a goddamn omelet
 * Republicans continue to exist
 * Yes... Yes... I am death
 * The mushroom that's only poisonous if you're gay
 * Google+'s real goal is mars
 * Oh great, now I'm dead.