Animals

Animals are creatures that are alive, but not plants, fungi, bacteria, or et cettera, et cettera. If you like animals, you are probably a Furry of some sort. Nerd. There are lots of animals, most of which are pretty cool, but horses are an exception. Have you seen how terrible horses are? Those aren't legs. Those are fingers. They feel like one of those horrible animals humans bred to have all sorts of weird complications, but no. They just evolved that way. What the fuck, man. Horses are awful.

The rest of the animals are cool things like kangaroos, cockroaches, and siphonophores. There are 1.5 million that've been discovered! Gotta catch 'em all!

Types of animals

 * Annelids - Segmented worms. Includes earthworms, which are probably what you think of when you think of "worms," and also leeches.
 * Arthropods - Most of the animals are these bad boys. Includes bugs, crabs, lobsters, and craw-daddies. Whoever named that last one is one kinky-ass fuck.
 * Bryozoa - Really small aquatic invertebrates. What you'll soon learn is that aquatic invertebrates are the best animals. It's a scientifically proven fact! I can't think of any specific examples that you might recognize, but I haven't researched them much. They sound pretty cool.
 * Chordates - Probably what you think of when you think of an "animal." The main thing these things have that other animals don't is a spine, but as stated above, having a spine only makes animals less cool. There are lots of sub-groups of Chordates. There are probably sub-groups for the other groups, but I don't know about them! At least... not yet.
 * Mammals - Chordates with boobs. Ohmy. Probably pretty popular in anime or something. Includes cats, bears, cows, and humans like you and me, at least before I metamorphose into a sea urchin in about 15 years.
 * Reptiles - Scaly boys that like the sun, such as snakes and lizards.
 * Birds - Modern dinosaurs, but really small. They got wings and a lot of them can fly, but then there are land birds like ostriches. Also includes chickens and blue jays and eagles.
 * Amphibians - Slippery boys that spend half their lives in water, because we all wish we could live at the pool for half our life, right? Amphibians include frogs and toads and salamanders.
 * Fish - The basic "water build" for life. Don't be mistaken, though, whales and dolphins aren't fish because I guess they have tits or something. Fish include salmon, carp, and cool shit like anglers. Anglers are the best, man.
 * Cnidaria - Easily the best group of animals, no question. Cnidaria are marine species made of jelly and include all the raddest animals, like jellyfish, box jellies, sea anemones and siphonophores. They don't got bones, and they don't need 'em. I don't think they got brains either. They don't got a lot of things, but have you heard of minimalism? Less is more, friends! Less is more!
 * Echinoderms - All things considered, Echinoderms are probably second place. The main disadvantages when compared to Cnidaria is that echinoderms are symmetrical and not made of jelly, but when your roster includes stuff like starfish, sea urchins, and sea cucumbers, you know you're definitely one of the better animal groups.
 * Molluscs - Molluscs might be third place, because that's slugs, snails, chitons, and octopodes. Most marine life is molluscs, but some molluscs live on land, like land snails. Of all the invertebrates, Molluscs have the best brains. You ever see a video of an octopus working a Rubik's cube? Now you know why.
 * Nematodes - I think these are the guys that ate SpongeBob's house in that one episode where his house gets eaten.
 * Platyhelminthes - Or "flatworms," for short. Even if that's a dumber shortening than say, "Richard" to "Dick," flatworms seem pretty cool. They're the other type of worm, including things like tapeworms and well... flatworms. Scientific testing on whether they are flatter than pancakes or Kansas is unknown.
 * Rotifers - The Bryozoa were like, "Oh, look at how small we are! We are less than a millimeter!" and the Rotifers were like, "Hold on, hold my tea." The rotifers are even smaller than the Bryozoa, we're talking flat-out microscopic. Despite being so small, they are multicellular animals! We've only discovered about 2,200 species to date, so there's probably a whole lot more.
 * Sponges - Sponges were some of the very first animals, which makes sense, because they aren't very complicated at all. Sponge cells undergo cellular diffrentiation, and their bodies are full of pores, which allows water to circulate through them. Sponges include sponges, ping-pong sponges, and SpongeBob.