The Longest Page Ever

BRAVEHEART Robert the Bruce (narrator): I shall tell you of William Wallace. Historians from England will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes. The king of Scotland had died without a son, and the King of England, a cruel pagan known as Edward the Longshanks, claimed the thrown of Scotland for himself. Scotland's nobles fought him, and fought each other over the crown. So Longshanks invited them to talks of truce, no weapons, one page only. Among the farmers of that shire was Malcolm Wallace, a commoner with his own lands. He had two sons: John and William. Malcolm: I told you to stay. William: Well, I finished my work. Where are we going? Malcolm: MacAndrews. He was supposed to fess up when the gathering was over. William: Can I come? Malcolm: No. Go home, boy. William: But I want to go. Malcolm: Go home William or you'll the back of my hand. John: Follow him, William. --- Malcolm: MacAndrews; MacAndrews. Great Jesus! William: Ah! (screams) Malcolm: It's all right! William! John: William! Malcolm: It's all right. Easy lad. Dead Page Boy: William! (in Wallace's house) Campbell: We fight them! MacClannough: Every nobleman who had the will to fight was at that meeting. We can not beat an army. Malcolm: We do not have to defeat them. Just fight them. Now who's with me. Campbell (among others): I am, Wallace. MacClannough: Alright, alright. Malcolm: Ay. Malcolm: Where do you think you're going? William: I'm going with you. Malcolm: Oh, you're going with, hey? And what are you going to do? William: I'm gonna help. Malcolm: Hey, and a good help you'd be, too. But I need you to stay here and look after the place for me while I'm away. William: I can fight! Malcolm: I know. I know you can fight. But it's out wits that make us men. See you tomorrow. John: Ha! Hamish: English! William: Get down! Hamish: With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm. William: It's up to us, Hamish. Both boys: Ahhhh! (Throw rocks) --- William: Da? Da? Campbell: William, come here lad. (Funeral) Priest: (speaks Latin) Argyle: William, I am your uncle, Argyle. You have the look of your mother. Argyle: We'll stay here tonight. Tomorrow you'll come home with me. William: I don't want to leave. Argyle: You didn't want your father to die either, did ya? But it happened. Did the priest give a poetic benediction? "The Lord bless thee and keep thee"? William: It was in Latin. Argyle: You don't speak Latin? Well that's something we shall have to remedy, isn't it. Argyle: The Lord bless thee and keep thee. The Lord cause his light to shine on thee. The Lord lift up his continence upon thee. And give thee peace. Amen. Dead Malcolm: Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow her. (Campbell plays bagpipes) William: What are they doing? Argyle: Saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes. It was the same for me and your daddy, when our father was killed. (William looks at sword) Argyle: First, learn to use this (mind), then I'll teach you to use this (sword). --- Robert the Bruce (narrator): Many years later, Edward the Longshanks, King of England, supervised the wedding of his eldest son, who would succeed him to the thrown. As bride for his son, Longshanks had chosen the daughter of his rival, the King of France. It was widely whispered that for the princess to conceive, Longshanks would have to do the honors himself. That may have been what he had in mind all along. Longshanks: Scotland, my land. The French will grovel to anyone with strength, but how will they believe our strength when we can not rule the whole of our own island? Longshanks: Where is my son? Isabella: Your pardon, my Lord. He asked me to come in his stead. Longshanks: I sent for him and he sends you? Isabella: Shall I leave, my Lord? Longshanks: If he wants his Queen to rule when I am gone, then by all means stay, and learn how. Please. Longshanks: Nobles. Nobles are the key to the door of Scotland. Grant our nobles lands in the north. Give their nobles estates here in England, and make them too greedy to oppose us. Advisor: But sire, our nobles will be reluctant to uproot. New lands mean new taxes, and they are already taxed for the war in France. Longshanks: Are they? Are they? The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots. Perhaps the time has come to reinstitute an old custom. Grant them prima noctes. First night, when any common girl inhabiting their lands is married, our nobles shall have sexual rights to her on the night of her wedding. If we can't get them out, we breed them out. That should fetch just the kind of lords we want to Scotland, taxes or no taxes. Advisor: A most excellent idea, sire. Longshanks: Is it? --- Robert the Bruce (narrator): Now in Edinburgh, gathered the council of Scottish nobles. Among these was Robert, the 17th Earl of Bruce, the leading contender for the crown of Scotland. Robert the Bruce: I hear that Longshanks has granted prima noctes. Craig: Clearly meant to draw more of his supporters here. Robert the Bruce: My father believes that we must lull Longshanks into confidence by neither supporting his decree nor opposing it. Craig: A wise plan. And how is your father? We missed him at the council. Robert the Bruce: Ah. His affairs in France keep him long overdue, but he sends his greetings. And he says that I speak for all the Bruces, and for Scotland. --- William: (rides home and smells air) (wedding celebration; music playing) William: You dropped your rock. Hamish: Test of manhood. William: You win. Hamish: Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones. William: Well, a test of a soldier is not in his arm, it's here (mind). Hamish: No, it's here (arm) (Hamish hits William) William: Hamish? Hamish: Uh huh. (drumming, rock throwing contest) Campbell: Here you go, son. Show him how. Come on! Haha, my boy! William: That's a good throw. Hamish: Ay. Ay, it was. William: I was wondering if you could do that when it matters. As it, as is matters in battle. Can you crush a man with that throw? Hamish: I could crush you, like a worm. William: You could? Hamish: Ay. William: Well then do it. Would you like to see him crush me like a worm? Crowd: Ay! William: Then do it. Hamish: You'll move. William: I will not. Campbell: He'll move. (Hamish misses, William hits Hamish) Campbell: Fine display, young Wallace. William: You alright? You look a widdy bit shaky. Hamish: I should have remembered the rocks. William: Ay, you should have. Get up you big heap. It's good to see you again. Hamish: Ay, welcome home. Girl: William, will you dance with me? William: Of coarse I will. (Horses ride in) English lord: I have come to claim the right of prima noctes. As lord of these lands, I will bless this marriage by taking the bride into my bed on the first night of her union. Scottish man: By God, you will not! Lord: It is my noble right. (They ride off with bride). Smythe: Ha ha. Ha ha. --- (raining, outside of Murron's house) William: Good evening, sir. MacClannough: Ah, young Wallace. Grand soft evening, huh? William: Ay, is that. I was wondering if I might have a word with your daughter. MacClannough: What do you want to have a word with her about? William: Well, ah, Murron, would you like to come and ride with me on this fine evening? Mrs. MacClannough: In this? You're out of your mind. William: Oh, it's good Scottish weather, madam. The rain is fallin' straight down, well slightly to the side like. Mrs. MacClannough: She can not go with you. William: No? Mrs. MacClannough: No the no, anyway. William: No the no. MacClannough: No the no. We'll see you later. Murron: 'O the weather's just fine. It's hardly raining. Mrs. MacClannough: Did you no hear what I said? Now get--Murron. It's you she takes after. William: How did you know me after so long? Murron: Why, I didn't. William: No? Murron: It's just that I saw you staring at me and I didn't know who you were. William: 'O sorry, I suppose I was. Are you in the habit of riding off in the rain with strangers? Murron: It was the best way to make you leave. William: Well, if I can ever work up the courage to ask you again, I'll send you a written warning first. Murron: 'O it wouldn't do you much good. I can't read. William: Can you not? Murron: no. William: Well that's something we shall have to remedy, isn't it. Murron: You're going to teach me to read, then? William: Ah, if you like. Murron: Ay. William: In what language? Murron: Are you showing off now? William: That's right. Are you impressed yet? Murron: No. Why should I be? William: (in French) Yes. Because every single day I thought about you. Murron: Do that standing on your head and I'll be impressed. William: My kilt may fly up but I'll try. Murron: You certainly didn't learn any manners on your travels. William: I'm afraid the Romans have far worse manners than I. Murron: You've been to Rome? William: Ay, my uncle took me on a pilgrimage. Murron: What was it like? William: (in French) Not nearly as beautiful as you. Murron: What does that mean? William: Beautiful. But I belong here. Mrs. MacClannough: Murron, come in now. --- William: Sir, I know it was strange of me to invite Murron to ride last night, but I assure you I-- Campbell: MacClannough's daughter is another matter. I've come to fetch you to a meeting. William: What kind of meeting? Campbell: The secret kind. MacClannough: Your meetings are a waste of time, Campbell. Campbell: Your father was a fighter, and a patriot. William: I know who my father was. I came back home to raise crops, and God willing a family. If I can live in peace, I will. MacClannough: You say you want to stay out of the troubles? William: Ay. MacClannough: If you can prove it, you may court my daughter. Until you prove it, my answer is no. William: No? MacClannough: No Wallace, no. William: Didn't I just prove it? MacClannough: No. William: No? MacClannough: No. --- William: Of coarse, running a farm is a lot of work, but that will all change when my sons arrive. Murron: So, you've got children? William: Well not yet, but I was hoping that you could help me with that. Murron: So you want me to marry you, then? William: Well, that's a bit sudden but alright. Murron: Is that what you call a proposal? William: I love you. Always have. I want to marry you. Is that a yes? Murron: Ay, that's a yes. William: We best hurry. He'll be waiting. Murron: Wait. William: Where are you going? William: What's that? Murron: You'll see. William: Father. William: I will love you my whole life; you and no other. Murron: And I you; you and no other forever. Priest: (speaks Latin) William: When am I gonna see you again? Tonight? Murron: I can't. William: Why not? Murron: My dad's gotten suspicious. William: Not as suspicious as you (?). When? Murron: Tonight. William: Tonight? Murron: Ay. --- Smythe: Look lively, sergeant. Smythe: Where are you going lassie? Oo, that looks heavy. Let me help you. Murron: That's fine. Smythe: 'O, you remind me of my daughter back home. Smythe: Hello lassie. Soldier: Keep going, Smythe. (lots of screaming) Smythe: Ah, you bitch. William: Are you alright? Murron: Ay. William: Can you ride? Murron: Ay. Smythe: Come back here, you bastard. William: Meet me at the grove. Ride. Smythe: They're getting away. William: Murron? Murron? --- Magistrate: All of you know full well the great pains I've always taken never to be to strict, to rigid, with the application of our laws. And as a consequence, have we not learned to live together in relative peace and harmony? Ha? And this day's lawlessness is how you repay my leniency. Well you leave me with little choice. An assault on the king's soldiers is the same as an assault on the king himself. (He kills Murron) Magistrate: Now, let this scrapper come to me. --- Soldier: There. (points at William) (fighting starts) Magistrate: Corporal, summon archers on the tower, now. Hamish: Hold still, father. Campbell: Ahh, boy! (William kills Magistrate) Campbell: MacClannough, MacClannough! Crowd of Scotsmen: MacClannough, MacClannough, WALLACE, WALLACE! --- (Murron's Funeral) Priest: (speaks Latin) Mrs. MacClannough: (crying) --- Campbell: What cha waiting for, boy? Hamish: Here. You can do it. I'll hold him down. Morrison: Here. You can do it. I'll hold him down. Campbell: Ay, straight in, boy. I know it seems like a waste of good whiskey, but indulge me. AHHH. Hamish: Hold him! Hold him! Scottish man: Let him go. Sorry. Campbell: That will wake you up in the morning, boy. Watch guard: There's somebody coming. Arm yourselves. Hamish: There's somebody coming. Campbell: MacGregors, from the next clan. MacGregor: We heard about what was happening, and we don't want you armidants thinking you can have your fun without us. William: Go home. Some of us are in this. We can't help that now. But you can help yourselves. Go home. MacGregor: We'll have no homes left when the English garrison from the castle comes through and burns us out. And they will. William and Campbell: Welcome! --- (William's army enters, dressed as English patrol) English soldier: Patrol returning, my Lord. English Lord: So, what news? (William hits Lord) English Lord: I have dispatched 100 soldiers to Lanark. They will be returning now. William: Were they dressed like this? Actually, it was more like 50. Make it quick. Morrison: Do you remember me? Lord: I never did her any harm. It was my right. Morrison: Your right? Well I'm here to claim the right as a husband. William: I am William Wallace, and the rest of you will be spared. Go back to England, and tell them there that Scotland's daughters and her sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free. Burn it. --- (in English castle) Longshanks: Scottish rebels have routed one of my garrisons and murdered the noble lord. Prince: I heard. This Wallace is a brigand, nothing more. Longshanks: And how would you deal with this brigand? Prince: Like any common thief. Have the local magistrate arrest him and punish him accordingly. Longshanks: Leave us. Wallace has already killed the magistrate and taken control of the town. Stand up. Stand up. In the morning, I depart for France to press our rights there, and I leave you here to quell this little rebellion, understood? Is it? One day you will be a king. At least try to act like one. Prince: Get away from me. I will need my military council. Nicolette: (in French) I hope your husband goes to Scotland and meets Wallace and then you'll be a widow. English soldier: After them. English leader: No point resisting. You're outnumbered and trapped. Now where are the rest of you? Where's Wallace? --- Robert: Father? Leper: Ah, come in, come in. Robert: A rebellion has begun. Leper: Under whom? Robert: A commoner named William Wallace. Leper: We will embrace this rebellion. Support it from our lands in the north. I will gain English favor by condemning it, and ordering it opposed from our lands in the south. Sit down. Stay a while. Robert: This Wallace, he doesn't even have a knighthood, but he fights with passion and he inspires. Leper: And you wish to charge off and fight as he did. So would I. Robert: Well, maybe it's time. Leper: It is time to survive. You're the 17th Robert Bruce. The 16 before you passed you land and title because they didn't charge in. Call a meeting of the nobles. Robert: But they do nothing but talk. Leper: Rightly so. They're as rich in English titles and lands as they are in Scottish, just as we are. Admire this man, this William Wallace. Uncompromising men are easy to admire. He has courage, so does a dog. But it is exactly the ability to compromise that makes a man noble. And understand this: Edward Longshanks is the most ruthless king ever to sit in the thrown of England. And none of us, and nothing of Scotland will remain, unless we are as ruthless. Give in to our nobles. Knowing their minds is the key to the thrown. --- Prince: Wait. Wait. Look. This is right and this is left. Carry on. Carry on. Nicolette: (in French) When the king returns, he will bury them in those new clothes. Scotland is in chaos. Your husband is secretly sending an army north. Isabella: (in French) How do you know this? Nicolette: (in French) Last night I slept with a member of the War Council. Isabella: (in French) He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed. Nicolette: (in French) Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for. Isabella: (in French) Ah. This Scottish rebel, Wallace. He fights to avenge a woman? Nicolette: (in French) I nearly forgot. A magistrate wished to capture him, and found he had a secret lover. So he cut the girl's throat to tempt Wallace to fight, and fight he did. Knowing his passion for his lost love, they next plotted to take him by desecrating the graves of his father and brother, and setting an ambush at the grave of his love. He fought his way through the trap and carried her body to a secret place. Now that's love, no? Isabella: Love? I wouldn't know. --- William: You know, eventually Longshanks will send his whole Northern Army against us. Campbell: Heavy cavalry, armored horse; shake the very ground. Hamish: They'll ride right over us. William: Uncle Argyle used to talk about it; how no army had ever stood up to a charge of heavy horse. Hamish: So what'll we do? Campbell: Run, hide, the highland way. William: We'll make spears. Hundreds of them. Long spears, twice as long as a man. Hamish: That long? William: Ay. Hamish: Some men are longer than others. Campbell: Your mother's been telling stories about me again, ah? --- Guard: Volunteers coming in. Faudron: William Wallace, we've come to fight and to die for ya. William: Stand up, man. I'm not the pope. Faudron: My name is Faudron, and my sword is yours. I brought you this. Guard: We checked them for arms. Faudron: I brought you this. My wife made it for ya. William: Thank you. Stephen: (laughs) Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm prettier than this man. Alright Father, I'll ask him. If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen? Hamish: Is your father a ghost or do you converse with the Almighty? Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God. Yes, Father. The Almighty says don't change the subject; just answer the fooking question. Hamish: Mind your tongue. Campbell: Insane Irish. Stephen: (pulls dagger on Campbell) Smart enough to get a dagger past your guards, old man. William: That's my friend, Irishman. And the answer to your question is yes; if you fight for me you get to kill the English. Stephen: Excellent. Stephen is my name. I'm the most wanted man on my island, except I'm not on my island, of coarse. Mores the pity. Hamish: Your island? You mean Ireland. Stephen: Yeah. It's mine. Hamish: You're a madman. Stephen: I've come to the right place, then. (everyone laughs) --- (Faurdon trys to kill Wallace, but Stephen saves him) Stephen: Sure didn't the Almighty send me to watch your back? I didn't like him anyway. He wasn't right in the head. --- Hamish: William, it's our runners. Morrison: The English are devising an army towards Scotland. William: Will the nobles rally? Runner: Robert the Bruce and most of the others will not commit to battle. But word is spread, and highlanders are coming down on their own. Morrison: Ay, in flocks of hundreds and thousands. William: Are you ready for a war? Mornay: Well, what news? Horseman: We're outnumbered, at least 3 to 1. Mornay: How many horse, then? Horseman: 300, maybe more. Mornay: 300 heavy horse? Lochlan: We must try to negotiate. Short soldier: What are they talking about? Tall soldier: I can't hear, but it doesn't look good. The nobles will negotiate. If they do a deal, then we go home. And if not, we charge. Mornay: 300 heavy horse; we have no chance. Short soldier: I didn't come here to fight so they can own more lands; then I have to work for them. Tall soldier: Nor me. Alright lads. I have no time for these bastards; lets go home. Lochlan: Stop men. Do not leave. Wait until we've negotiated. Short soldier: William Wallace? Tall soldier: Can't be. Not tall enough. Stephen: The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It's drawn the finest people. Lochlan: Where is thy salute? William: For presenting yourselves on this battlefield, I give you thanks. Lochlan: This is our army. To join it you give homage. William: I give homage to Scotland. And if this is your army, why does it go? Tall soldier: We didn't come here to fight for them. Short soldier: Home. The English are too many. William: Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace. Short soldier: William Wallace is 7 feet tall. --- William: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his ass. I am William Wallace, and I see before me an army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight? Tall soldier: Fight against that? No, we will run, and we will live. William: Ay, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom. (cheering) English lord: They seem quite optimistic to me. Maybe they do want to fight. Cheltham: Confrontation might be a foregone conclusion, my lord. But none the less, I think we should deliver the king's terms. Lord: The king's terms will never live up to them. Cheltham: My lord, I think--. Lord: Alright, offer them the terms. Craig: They're coming out. Shall we go and meet them? Stephen: Fine speech. Now what do we do? William: Just be yourselves. Hamish: Where are you going? William: I'm going to pick a fight. Hamish: Well, we didn't get dressed up for nothing. Cheltham: Mornay, Lochlan, Craig. Here are the king's terms. Lead this army off field and he will give you each estates in Yorkshire, including hereditary title, from which you will pay--, from which you will pay him an annual duty--. William: I have an offer for you. Mornay: Cheltham, this is William Wallace. Cheltham: From which you will pay the king an annual duty--. William: I said I have an offer for you. Lochlan: You disrespect a banner of truce? William: From his king? Absolutely. Here are Scotland's terms. Lower your flags, and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for 100 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today. Cheltham: You are outmatched. You have no heavy cavalry. In two centuries no army has won without--. William: I'm not finished. Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own ass. Mornay: I'd say that was rather less cordial that he was used to. William: You be ready and do exactly as I say. On my signal, ride round behind our position and flank them. Mornay: We must not divide our forces. William: Do it, and let the English see you do it. Mornay: They'll think we've run away. William: Take out their archers, and I'll meet you in the middle. Mornay: Alright. Priest: (speaks Latin) English Lord: Insolent bastard. I want this Wallace's head on a plate. Archers. (Scots scream) Stephen: The Lord says He can get me out of this mess, but He's pretty sure you're fooked. Ah! (Scots scream) William: Ride! Lord: See, every Scot with a horse is fleeing. Our cavalry will ride them down like grass. Send the horse; full attack. William: Hold! Hold! Hold! Now! (lots of screaming) Lord: Send the infantry. Cheltham: My Lord? Lord: You lead them. (lots of fighting) Lord: Retreat! William: Alright. William: (screaming) Scottish army: (screaming) WALLACE! --- Craig: I knight thee Sir William Wallace. Sir William, in the name of God we declare and appoint thee guardian and high protector of Scotland and thy Captains as aides-de-camp. Stand and be recognized. Robert: Does anyone know his politics? Craig: No, but his weight with the commoners can unbalance everything. The Balliols will kiss his ass so we must. Balliol supporter: Sir William, Sir William. Inasmuch as you and your captains hail from a region long known to support the Balliol clan, may we invite you to continue your support and uphold our rightful claim. (screaming) William: Gentlemen!, Gentlemen! Balliol supporter: Now is the time to declare a king. Mornay: Wait! Then you are prepared to recognize our legitimate succession. Balliol supporter: You're the ones who won't support the rightful claim. Mornay: Those were lies when you first wrote them. Balliol supporter: I demand recognition of these documents. Craig: Gentlemen! Please, Gentlemen! Wait! Sir William, where are you going? William: We have beaten the English, but they'll come back because you won't stand together. Craig: Well what will you do? William: I will invade England and defeat the English on their own ground. Craig: Invade? That's impossible. William: Why? Why is that impossible? You're so concerned with squabbling for the scraps from Longshank's table that you've missed your God given right to something better. There is a difference between us. You think the people of this country exist to provide you with possession. I think your possession exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it. --- Robert: Wait! I respect what you said, but remember that these men have lands and castles. It's much to risk. William: And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less? Robert: No, but from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England. Its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead. William: We all end up dead; it's just a question of how and why. Robert: I'm not a coward. I want what you want, but we need the nobles. William: We need them? Robert: Ay. William: Now tell me, what does that mean to be noble? Your title gives you claim to the thrown of our country, but men don't follow titles, they follow courage. Now our people know you. Noble, and common, they respect you. And if you would just lead them to freedom, they'd follow you. And so would I. --- Royal Governor of York: **** it! The sodomite my cousin the prince tells me he has no troops to lend and every town in Northern England is begging for help. Soldier: Wallace rides! Governor: To which town? Soldier: To here my Lord. Governor: Bring the food and provisions inside, double the wall guards, seal the gate, now! Soldier: Quickly, bring in the provisions, seal off the gate, NOW! Soldier: Sir, we can get you out if you leave now. Governor: I am not about to tell my Uncle I've lost him the greatest city in Northern England. William: Come on! Scottish soldiers: AAAHHH! (lots of cheering, gate on fire) --- (back in London) Soldier: Make way for the King. Philip: It's not your fault. Stand up to him. Prince: I will stand up to him and more. Longshanks: What news of the North? Prince: Nothing new, Your Majesty. We've sent riders to speed any word. Longshanks: I heard the word in France, where I was fighting to expand your future kingdom. The word, my son, is that our entire Northern Army has been annihilated. And you have done nothing. Prince: I have ordered conscriptions. They are assembled and ready to depart. Soldier: Excuse me, sire, but there is a very urgent message from York. Longshanks: Come. Leave us. Soldier: Yes, sire. Prince: Wallace has sacked York. Longshanks: What? Prince: Wallace has sacked York. Ah! Philip: Sire, thy own nephew. What beast could do such a thing? Longshanks: If he can sack York, he can invade lower England. Philip: We would stop him! Longshanks: Who is this person who speaks to me as though I needed his advise? Prince: I have declared Philip my High Counselor. Longshanks: Is he qualified? Philip: I am skilled in the arts of war and military tactics, sire. Longshanks: Are you? Then tell me, what advice would you offer on the present situation? (Longshanks kick's Philip out the window) Philip: AAAHHH! (Longshanks kicks Prince) Longshanks: I shall offer a truce and pie him off. But who will go to him? Not I, huh, if I fell under the sword of that murderer that might be my head in a basket. And not my gentle son. The mere sight of him would only encourage the enemy to take over the whole country. So who do I send? Whom do I send? --- William: I'm dreaming. Murron: Yes you are, and you must wake. William: I don't want to wake. I want to stay here with you. Murron: And I with you. But you must wake now. Wake up, William. Wake up. William, wake up. Campbell: William, a royal entourage comes, flying banners of truce, with the standard of Longshanks himself. Isabella: I am the Princess of Wales. I come as the king's servant and with his authority. William: To do what? Isabella: To discuss the king's proposals. Will you speak with a woman? Isabella: I understand you have recently been given the rank of knight. William: I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are. Isabella: Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities, the executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin? William: York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged innocent Scots, even women and children, from the city walls. Oh, Longshanks did far worse the last time he took a Scottish city. Hamilton: (in Latin) He is a bloody murdering savage. And he's telling lies. William: (in Latin) I never lie. But I am a savage. (in French) Or in French if you prefer. (in English) You ask your king to his face, ask him, and see if his eyes can convince you of the truth. Isabella: Hamilton, leave us. Hamilton: My lady? Isabella: Leave us. Now. Let us talk plainly. You invade England, but you can not complete the conquest so far from your shelter and supply. The king desires peace. William: Longshanks desires peace? Isabella: He declares it to me, I swear it. He proposes that you withdraw your attack. In return he grants you title, estates, and this chest of gold which I am to pay to you personally. William: A lordship and titles. Gold. That I should become Judas? Isabella: Peace is made in such ways. William: Slaves are made in such ways. The last time Longshanks spoke of peace I was a boy. And many Scottish nobles, who would not be slaves, were lured by him under a flag of truce to a barn where he had them hanged. I was very young, but I remember Longshank's notion of peace. Isabella: I understand you have suffered. I know about your woman. William: She was my wife. We married in secret because I would not share her with an English Lord. They killed her to get to me. I have never spoken of it. I don't know why I tell you now except I see her strength in you. One day you'll be a queen, and you must open your eyes. You tell your king that William Wallace will not be ruled, and nor will any Scot while I live. --- Longshanks: Ah, my son's loyal wife returns unkilled by the heathen. So he accepted our bribe? Isabella: No, he did not. Longshanks: Then why does he stay? My scouts tell me that he has not advanced. Isabella: He waits for you at York. He says he will attack no more towns or cities, if you are man enough to come and face him. Longshanks: Did he? The Welsh bowmen will not be detected arriving so far around his flank. The main force of our armies from France will land here to the north of Edinburgh. Conscripts from Ireland will approach from the southwest to here. Prince: Welsh bowmen, troops from France, Irish conscripts. Even if you dispatch them today they will take weeks to assemble. Longshanks: I dispatched them before I sent your wife. So our little ruse succeeded. Thank you. And while this upstart awaits my arrival in York, my forces will have arrived in Edinburgh behind him. You spoke with this Wallace in private? Tell me, what kind of man is he? Isabella: A mindless barbarian, not a king like you, my lord. Longshanks: You may return to your embroidery. Isabella: Humbly, my lord. Prince: You brought back the money, of coarse. Isabella: No, I gave it to ease the suffering of the children of this war. Longshanks: haha! That's what happens when you send a woman. Isabella: Forgive me, sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule. Longshanks: My greatness will be better demonstrated when Wallace returns to Scotland and finds his country in ashes. --- Hamish: William, there's riders approaching. Personal escort of the princess. You must have made an impression. William: Ay. Hamish: I didn't think you were in the tent that long. William: (in French) Miss. Nicolette: (in French) A message from my mistress. William: (in French) Thank you. --- Stephen: It's true. The English ships are moving up from the south. I don't know about the Welsh yet, but the Irish have landed. I had to see it with me own eyes before I could believe it. Hamish: What the hell are the Irish doing fighting with the English? Stephen: I wouldn't worry about them. Didn't I tell you before, it's my island. William: Hamish, ride ahead to Edinburgh and assemble the council. Order it. Hamish: Ay. William: Your island? Stephen: My island! --- Mornay: This time our only option is to negotiate. William: My army has marched for more days than I can remember, and we still have preparations to make. So I'll make this plain. We require every soldier you can summon. Your personal escorts, even yourselves. And we need them now. Craig: With such a force of raid against us, it is time to discuss other options. William: Other options? Don't you wish at least to lead your men onto the field and barter a better deal with Longshanks before you tuck tail and run? Robert: Sir William. Craig: We can not defeat this army. William: We can. Robert: Sir William. William: And we will. We won at Stirling, and still you quibble. We won at York and you would not support us. If you will not stand up with us now then I say you're a coward. (Hamish swings axe) William: And if you are Scotsmen, I am ashamed to call myself one. Robert: Please, Sir William. Speak with me alone. I beg you. Robert: Now you've achieved more than anyone ever dreamed, but fighting these odds it looks like rage, not courage. William: It's well beyond rage. Help me. In the name of Christ help yourselves. Now is our chance, now. If we join, we can win. If we win, well then we'll have what none of us have ever had before: a country of our own. You are the rightful leader, and there is strength in you. I see it. Unite us. Unite us. Unite the clans. Alright. --- Robert: This can not be the way. Leper: You said yourself, the nobles will not support Wallace. So how does it help us to join the side that is slaughtered? Robert: I gave him my word. Leper: I know it is hard. Being a leader is. Now son, son, look at me. I can not be king. You, and you alone can rule Scotland. What I tell you, you must do. Not for me, not for yourself, but for your country. --- Soldier: Make way. Coming through. Make way lads. Hamish: The Bruce is not coming, William. William: He'll come. Mornay and Lochlan have come. So will the Bruce. Longshanks: Quite a lovely gathering. Wouldn't you agree? General: The archers are ready, sire. Longshanks: Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. Their dead cost nothing. And send in the infantry and cavalry. General: Infantry, cavalry, advance. --- (Irish advance and shake hands with the Scottish Army) Longshanks: Irish! William: Glad to have you with us. Watch this. General: Mornay, Lochlan? Longshanks: I gave Mornay double his lands in Scotland and matching estates in England. Lochlan turned for much less. Archers. General: I beg your pardon, sire. Won't we hit our own troops? Longshanks: Yes, but we'll hit theirs as well. We have reserves. Attack. General: Archers. Longshanks: Send in our reinforcements. General: Send in the rest. --- Longshanks: Bring me Wallace. Alive if possible. Dead, just as good. Send news of our victory. Shall we retire. (William hit by arrow) General: Protect the king. Robert: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (William sees that Robert has duble crossed him. He is shocked) Robert: Get up! Get up! Get him out of here. Stephen: Jesus! Robert: Go! Stephen: Ah! --- Campbell: I'm dying. Let me be. Hamish: No, your going to live. Campbell: I've lived long enough to live free; proud to see you become the man you are. I'm a happy man. (Hamish cries) --- Leper: I'm the one who's rotting but I think your face looks graver than mine. Son, we must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that. You saved your family, increased your land. In time, you will have all the power in Scotland. Robert: Lands, titles, men, power, nothing. Leper: Nothing? Robert: I have nothing. Men fight for me, because if they do not, I throw them off my land and I starve their wives and their children. Those men who bled the ground red at Falkirk, they fought for William Wallace, and he fights for something that I've never had. And I took it from him when I betrayed him and I saw it in his face on the battlefield, and it's tearing me apart. Leper: Well, all men betray. All lose heart. Robert: I don't want to lose heart. I want to believe as he does. I will never be on the wrong side again. --- (Mornay's dreaming) Mornay: (crying) Ah! (Wallace kills him and jumps out window) Scottish noble: Lord Craig, is it true about Mornay? Craig: Ay, Wallace rode into his bead chamber and killed him. More a liability now then ever he was. And there's no telling who'll be next. Robert: Maybe you, maybe me. It doesn't matter. Craig: I'm serious, Robert. Robert: So am I. Haha! (Lochlan drops on table) Craig: Search the place. Noble: Lochlan. --- (Common towns people talking) Common Scot: William Wallace killed 50 men. 50 in one. Commoner #2: 100 men, with his own sword. Commoner #3: Cut through them like Moses through the Red Sea. --- Longshanks: His legend grows. It will be worse than before. Hamilton: He rallies new volunteers in every Scottish town. And when he replenishes his numbers, -- Longshanks: They're sheep, mere sheep. Easily dispersed if we strike the shepherd. Very well. Take a flock of your finest assassins and set a meeting. Hamilton: My lord, Wallace is renowned for his ability to smell an ambush. Longshanks: If what Lord Hamilton tells me is correct, he warmed to our future queen and would trust her. So we'll dispatch her with the notion that she comes in peace. Hamilton: My Lord, the princess might be taken hostage, or her life be put in jeopardy. Longshanks: My son would be most distressed by that. But if she were to be killed, we would soon find the King of France a useful ally against the Scots. You see, as king, you must find the good in any situation. Assassin: It's William Wallace sure. And he's given up his sword. Be ready. (lots of screaming, hut is burned) William: My lady. I received your message. This is the second time you've warned me of danger. Why? Isabella: There will be a new shipment of supplies coming north next month. Food and weapons, they will-- William: Why do you help me? Why do you help me? Isabella: Because of the way you are looking at me now. --- Stephen: Just when we thought all hope was lost, our noble saviors have arrived. Off with hoods. Craig: Sir William, we've come to seek a meeting. William: Well, what's the point? You've all sworn loyalty to Longshanks. Craig: An oath to a liar is no oath at all. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you. William: So let the council swear it publicly. Craig: We can not. Some scarcely believe you are alive. Others think you pay the Mornay's wages. So we (?) to Edinburgh. Meet us two days from now. Give us your pardon and we'll unite behind you. Scotland will be one. William: One? You mean us and you. Craig: No, I mean this. It's the pledge of Robert the Bruce. Hamish: You do know it's a trap. Tell him. Stephen: I think if the Bruce wanted to kill you he'd have done it already at Falkirk. William: Ay. Stephen: I know, I saw. Hamish: I ain't leaving him aside. What about the others? The scheming bastards couldn't agree on the color of ****. It's a trap, are you blind? William: We've got to try. We can't do this alone. Joining the nobles is the only hope for our people. You know what happens if we don't take that chance? Hamish: What? William: Nothing. Hamish: I don't want to be a martyr. William: Nor I. I want to live. I want a home, and children, and peace. Hamish: Do ya? William: Ay, I do. I've asked God for these things. It's all for nothing if you don't have freedom. Hamish: That's all a dream, William. William: A dream? Just a dream? What we've been doing all this time; we've lived that dream. Hamish: You dream isn't about freedom. It's about Murron. You're doing this to be a hero because you think she sees you. William: I don't think she sees me. I know she does. And your father sees you, too. (Hamish hits William) Stephen: Jesus?! Shall I come with you. William: No, I'll go alone. Stephen: I'll see you after. William: Right. Stephen: Sooner rather than later, I hope. --- Craig: He won't come. Robert: He will. I know he will. Guard: My Lord, he approaches. (Robert sees trap) Robert: NO! Craig: Stay out of it, Robert. Robert: Get Away! Get Away! Craig: The Bruce is not to be harmed. That was the arrangement. --- Robert: Father! You fooking bastard. Why? Why? Leper: Longshanks required Wallace. So did our nobles. That was the prize of your crown. Robert: Die! I want you to die. Leper: Soon enough I'll be dead. And you'll be king. Robert: I don't want anything from you. You're not a man, and you're not my father. Leper: You are my son, and you have always known my mind. Robert: You deceived me. Leper: You let yourself be deceived. In your heart, you always knew what had to happen here. At last, you know what it means to hate. Now you're ready to be king. Robert: My hate will die with you. --- Executioner: William Wallace, you stand intained of High Treason. William: Against whom? Executioner: Against your king. Have you anything to say? William: Never in my whole life did I swear allegiance to him. Executioner: It matters not. He is your king. Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? Do you confess? Then on the morrow you shall receive your purification. --- Guard: Your Highness. Isabella: I will see the prisoner. Guard: We've got orders from the king that no one-- Isabella: The king will be dead in a month and his son is a weakling. Who do you think will rule this kingdom? Now open this door. Guard: Majesty: Come on, back on your feet. (Guard kicks William) Isabella: Stop it. Leave me. I said leave me. William: My lady. Isabella: Sir, I've come to beg you to confess all and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy. William: Will he show mercy to my country? Isabella: Mercy is to die quickly, perhaps even live in a tower. In time, who knows what could happen. William: If I swear to him, then all that I am is dead already. Isabella: You will die. It will be awful. William: Every man dies, not every man really lives. Isabella: Drink this. It will dull your pain. William: No. It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. For if I'm senseless or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me. Isabella: I can't bear the thought of your torture. Take it. William: Alright. (They kiss, and William spits it out) Isabella: I have come to beg for the life of William Wallace. Prince: You're quite taken with him, aren't you. Isabella: I respect him. At worst he was a worthy enemy. Show mercy, O great king, and win the respect of your own people. Even now you are incapable of mercy. And you. To you that word is as unfamiliar as love. Prince: Before he lost his powers of speech he told me his one comfort was he would live to know Wallace was dead. Isabella: You see, death comes to us all. But before it comes to you, know this. Your plot dies with you. A child who is not of your line grows in my belly. Your son will not sit long on the thrown, I swear it. --- (crowd cheers) William: I am so afraid. Give me the strength to die well. Common man: Here he comes! (crowd throws food at him) Executioner: Now behold the awful prize of treason. You will fall to your knees now. Declare yourself the king's loyal subject, and beg his mercy, and you shall have it. (no response) Executioner: Rope. Stretch him. That's it, stretch him. Pleasant, yes? Rise to your knees, kiss the royal emblem on my cloak, and you will feel no more. (no response) Executioner: Rack him. Enough? (they put William on the cross, and begin disembowelment) (William in serious pain) Executioner: It can all end, right now. Peace. Bliss. Just say it. Cry out mercy. (crowd repeats "mercy") Executioner: Cry out. Just say it. Mercy. Hamish: Mercy lad, mercy. Stephen: Jesus, mercy. Executioner: The prisoner wishes to say a word. William: FREEEEE-DOMMMMMM! (William is beheaded) --- Robert (narrator): After the beheading, William Wallace's body was torn to pieces. His head was placed on top on London Bridge, his arms and legs sent to the four corners of Britain as a warning. It did not have the effect that Longshanks planned. And I, Robert the Bruce, rode out to pay homage to the armies of the English king and accept his endorsement of my crown. English noble: I hope you've washed your ass this morning. It's about to be kissed by a king. Craig: Come. Lets get it over with. Robert: Stop. You have bled with Wallace, now bleed with me. Craig: Ah! Hamish: Yea! (Throws sword; sword lands) Crowd: WALLACE, WALLACE, WALLACE, WALLACE. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (Scots charge) William (narrating): In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields at Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom.

This could be the room of any small boy, but it just happens to belong to a boy named Christopher Robin. Like most small boys Christopher Robin has toy animals to play with, and they all live together in a wonderful world of make-belief. But his best friend is a bear called Winnie the Pooh or Pooh for short. Now Pooh had some very unusual adventures and they all happened right here in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Deep in the hundred acre wood where Christopher Robin plays

You'll find the enchanted neighborhood of Christopher's childhood days

A donkey named Eeyore is his friend and Kanga and little Roo

There's Rabbit and Piglet and there's Owl, but most of all Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff

He's Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Willy nilly silly old bear

Winnie the Pooh (pooh)

Winnie the Pooh (pooh)

Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff

He's Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh

Willy nilly silly old bear

Winnie the Pooh lived in this enchanted forest under the name of Sanders, which means he had the name over the door in gold letters, and he lived under it. Now when Pooh heard his Pooh-coo clock (pooh-coo, pooh-coo, pooh-coo, pooh-coo, pooh-coo, pooh-coo, pooh-coo, pooh-coo) he knew it was time for something, but he was a bear of very little brain, so when he thought he thought in the most thoughtful way he could think.

Haven't thought of anything, have you? No, neither have I. Think, think, think. Oh, yes. Time for my stoutness exercise. Up, down, up

When I up, down, touch the ground

It puts me in the mood,

Up, down touch the ground

In the mood (smack, smack) for food,

I am stout, round and I have found,

Speaking poundage wise,

I improve my appetite

When I exercise.

Oh, stuff and fluff, that's better, thank you, now where was I? Oh yes, I'm rumbly in my tumbly. Time for something sweet.

I am short, fat and proud of that,

And so with all my might

I up, down, up, down to

My appetite's delight!

While I up, down, touch the ground,

I think of things to chew,

(Mmm, like honey, milk, and chocolate)

With a hefty happy appetite,

I'm a hefty happy Pooh.

With a hefty happy appetite,

He's a hefty happy Pooh

Oh, bother! Empty again! Only the sticky part's left.

(Bizzzzz, Buzzzzzz)

That buzzing noise means something, and the only reason for making a buzzing-noise that I know of is because you're a bee! And the only reason for being a bee is to make honey! And the only reason for making honey is so I can eat it.

And so Winnie the Pooh climbed the honey tree. He climbed and he climbed and he climbed, and as he climbed he hummed a little hum.

And I call it my rumbly and my tumbly song.

Yes, and it went something like this:

Hum dum de dum, hum dum de dum,

I'm so rumbly in my tumbly,

Time to munch an early luncheon,

Hum de dum dum dum

Oh I wouldn't climb this tree

If a Pooh flew like a bee,

But I wouldn't be a bear then

So I guess I wouldn't care then!

Bears love honey and I'm a Pooh bear

So I do care, so I'll climb there,

I'm so rumbly in my tumbly,

Time for something, for something... sweet... to eat!

If only I hadn't... You see, what I meant to do... It all comes, I suppose of... liking honey so much. Oh, bother.

Winnie the Pooh crawled out of the gorse-bush, brushed the prickles from his nose and began to think again.

Think, think, think.

And the first person he thought of was -Winnie the Pooh? - No, Christopher Robin! Oh.

Christopher Robin lived in another part of the forest, where he could be near his friends and help them with their problems. On this summer day, gloomy old Eeyore being stuffed with saw-dust had lost his tail again.

Eeyore, this won't hurt.

Never does.

Ooh, heh, heh.

There now! Did I get your tail on properly Eeyore?

No matter. Most likely lose it again anyway.

[Owl] It is my considered opinion that Eeyore's tail should be placed a trifle to the a... right.

[Kanga] Now, if you would ask me, I think it just a wee bit...

[Roo] South!

[Kanga] No, no. North, dear.

[Christopher Robin] Cheer up, Eeyore! Don't be so gloomy! Try swishing it.

(Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish)

[Owl] It worked, it worked!

[Roo] Oh Goody! Hooray!

[Eeyore] Thanks. It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.

[Pooh] Good morning, Christopher Robin!

Oh, good morning, Winnie the Pooh!

[Kanga] Good morning, Pooh Bear!

[Roo] Good morning, Pooh Bear!

[Eeyore] If it is a good morning, which I doubt.

[Christopher Robin] What are you looking for Pooh Bear?

I just said to myself coming along thinking and wondering if you had such a thing as a umm, such a thing Christopher, a as a balloon about you?

What do you want a balloon for?

Psst! Honey.

But you don't get honey with a balloon!

I do.

How?

I just fly like a bee, up to the honey tree, see!

But, just a minute! You can't fool the bees that way.

You'll see. Now would you be so kind as to pull me to a muddy place of which I know of.

So Christopher Robin pulled Winnie the Pooh to the very muddy place. And Pooh rolled and rolled until he was black all over.

There, now. Isn't this a clever disguise?

What are you supposed to be?

A little black rain cloud, of course.

Hmmm. Silly old bear.

Now would you aim me at the bees, please?

Careful, Pooh! Hold on tight.

Yes.

Four,

Yes.

Three,

Yes.

Two,

Yes.

One!

I'm just a little black rain cloud

Hovering under the honey tree,

I'm only a little black rain cloud,

Pay no attention to little me.

Ev'ryone knows that a rain cloud

Never eats honey, no, not a nip,

I'm just floating around over the ground

Wondering where I will drip.

Christopher Robin! I think the bees S-U-S-P-E-C-T something.

Perhaps they think you're after their honey?

Why it maybe that. You never can tell with bees.

I'm just a little black rain cloud

Hovering under the honey tree,

Christopher Robin! I think it would help with this deception if you would get, kind of open, your umbrella and say: Tut-tut, it looks like rain.

Tut-tut, it looks like rain, Tut-tut, it looks like rain.

Ooooh. Christopher Robin, I have come to a very important decision. These are the wrong sorts of bees.

Excuse me please, bees.

Christopher Robin! Oh, bother. I think I shall come down.

I'll catch you Pooh! Ohhh.

Hurry. Come on! A bee.

Help! Christopher! Christopher Robin, you never can tell with bees.

[Narrator] Now Pooh was not the sort to give up easily. When he put his mind to honey, he stuck to it. Now honey rhymes with bunny, and bunny rhymes with...a...

Rabbit? I like Rabbit, because he uses short easy words like "How about lunch?" and "Help yourself, Pooh"

[Rabbit] Pooh? Lunch? Oh, no, not again. Oh my, oh my, oh my goodness gracious!

Is anybody at home? "What I said was, 'Is anybody at home?'

No.

Bother. Isn't there anybody here at all?

Nobody.

Somebody's there, because somebody must have said "nobody". Oh Rabbit isn't that you?

Noooo.

But isn't that Rabbit's voice?

I don't think so, it isn't meant to be.

Hallo, Rabbit!

Oh, oh, hello Pooh Bear. Uh... Pooh Bear? A, uh...uh...What a pleasant surprise! Uh, uh... how about lunch?

Oh, thank you Rabbit.

And help yourself, Pooh. Would you like condensed milk, or honey on your bread?

Both. But, never mind the bread, please. Just a small helping, if you please?

There you are. Is a... something wrong?

Well, I didn't mean a little larger small helping.

But perhaps you'd save time if you took a whole jar.

Thank you Rabbit.

So Pooh ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate... and ATE! Until at last he said to Rabbit in a rather sticky voice:

I must be going now. Good bye, Rabbit.

Well, good bye, if you're sure you won't have any more.

Is there any more?

No, there isn't.

I thought not. Oh, oh, oooo help and bother. I'm stuck.

Oh, dear, oh gracious, well, it all comes from eating too much.

Oh it all comes of not having front doors big enough.

Oh dear, it's no use, there's only one thing to do, I'll get Christopher Robin. Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh my, heavens to Betsy.

Well, if it isn't Pooh Bear.

Oh hallo Owl.

Splendid day... to be up and about one's business... Oh, I say, are you stuck?

No, no, just resting and thinking and humming to myself.

You, sir, are stuck. A wedged bear in a great tightness. In a word, irremovable. Now obviously this situation calls for an expert.

Somebody call for excavation expert? I'm not in the book, but I'm at your service. Gopher's the name. Here's my card. What's your problem?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. It seems the entrance to Rabbit's domicile is impassable. To be exact, plugged.

And you want me to dig it out?

Precisely, I say, it's over here my good fellow.

Fist thing to be done is get rid of that bear. He's gumming up the whole project.

Dash it all, he is the project.

Umm... Hard digging, might hit bedrock, danger can happen, risky. Needs planks for bracing. Big job, take two, three days.

Three days? What about lunches?

No problem, I always go home for lunch.

Oh, this will run into money.

I say, how much

Er, do the job for hourly wage, plus cover material plus overtime plus 10 percent.

And your estimate?

Can't give you an estimate, too risky.

Blast it all.

Good id! Will dynamite, save time.

What's the charge?

The charge? Oh, about seven sticks of dynamite.

Oh no no no, the cost, the charge in money?

No charge account, I work strictly cash.

Obviously, but I should think...

Well I can't stand around lollygaging all day, I've got a tight schedule...Think it over. Let me know. You've got my card. I'm not in the book, you know.

Oh dash it all, he's gone.

[Pooh] After all, he's not in the book you know.

Oh.

[Rabbit] Here we come, don't worry.

[Christopher Robin] Cheer up, Pooh bear, we're coming. We'll get you out.

[Eeyore] Well, maybe.

[Christopher Robin] Silly old bear, here, give me your paw.

Oh, it's no use, I'm stuck.

Well, if we can't pull you out Pooh, perhaps we can push you back.

[Rabbit] Oh, no, not that. Oh, my gracious, oh dear. Having got this far, it seems a pity to waste it.

[Christopher Robin] Pooh bear, there's only one thing we can do, wait for you to get thin again.

Oh bother, how long will that take?

[Eeyore] Days, weeks, months, who knows.

[Rabbit] Oh dear, if I have to face that, that thing for months. ... Make the best of it. Oh, no! There it is again! Well, I'll just turn it to the wall. Oh, dear! Yes, a frame! Aha! No, no, no, no. No. Nice.... And a splash of color. Oh, it, it, it just doesn't have that rustic and proper look. There. A hunting trophy. I know just the thing.

Something tickles.

Oh, Pooh! You mess up my moose!

[Kanga] Pooh, Roo has a little surprise for you.

[Roo] Flowers!

[Pooh] Honeysuckle!

[Kanga] No, Pooh. You don't eat them--- you smell them.

[Pooh] Oh. (Sniff)

[Rabbit] It's not bad, not bad at all. It's rather good I think.

[Pooh] Awwww.... (Sniff) Awwww...

[Rabbit] Oh, no, no.

[Pooh] Chooo!

[Rabbit] Oh, no, no, help! Why did I ever invite that bear to lunch? Why, oh why, oh why?

While Pooh's bottom was stuck at the top of page 28, his top was stuck at the bottom of page 30. So both ends waited to get thin again. Day after day, night after lonely night.

I wonder what's for breakfast? (Snore) Breakfast, (snore) lunch. A lunchbox!

[Gopher] It certainly is. I'm working at swing-shift you know. Time for my midnight snack. Say, aren't you that stuck up bear? I still think I can blast you out of there.

What sort of lunch is in that lunchbox?

[Gopher] Here, a... let me see here... summer squash, summer salad, succotash, custard, and honey.

Honey?

[Rabbit] Honey! Oh, no!

Could you spare a small smackerel?

Say, you have to do something about that speech impediment, sonny.

Oh, thank you Gopher.

[Rabbit] Oh, no, not that, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not one drop!

But Rabbit, I wasn't going to eat it. I was just going to taste it.

[Rabbit] I'll taste it for you.

[Gopher] That supercilious scoundrel confiscated my honey!

[Rabbit] DON'T FEED THE BEAR!

[Gopher] I'm gonna skidaddle. I'm not in the book... Eeeeyaaaa...And I'm a dinkdad glad of it.

And then one morning, when Rabbit was beginning to think that he might never be able to use his front door again, it happened.

He budged! Hooray! Christopher Robin! Christopher Robin! He bidged! He badged! He boodged! ...

Hurray for you

Hurray for me

Hurray, Hurray

The Pooh will soon be free

Dum da dum pa rum pa rum pa rum

Now the time has come for proving what the diet did for Pooh

And since we pledged he'd be unwedged that's what we're going to do

He'll be pulled and he'll be tugged and eventually unplugged

We'll have a tug of war, To open rabbit's door

Think heave-ish

Think ho-ish

And out the Pooh will go-ish

For mind over matter has made the Pooh un-fatter

Heave!

Ho!

Heave!

Ho!

Heave Heave Heave Heave Heeeeeeeeave. (Pop!)

[Rabbit] There he goes!

[Gopher] Suffering sassafras. He is sailing clean out of the book. Quick, turn the page.

[Eeyore] Stuck again.

[Christopher Robin] Don't worry, Pooh! We'll get you out.

[Pooh] No hurry! Take your time. Yum, yum.

Bears love honey and I'm a Pooh bear

Yum Yum Yum Yum

Time for something sweet

[Narrator] So we come to the next chapter, in which...

[Pooh] But I haven't finished yet!

[Narrator] But Pooh, you're in the next chapter.

[Pooh] Oh, what happens to me?

[Narrator] Well, let's turn the page and find out.

[Narrator] Now one fine day the east wind traded places with the west wind, and that's turned things up a bit all through the Hundred Acre Wood. Now, on this blustery day Pooh decided to visit his thoughtful spot.

[Pooh] Yes, and on the way I made up a little hum. And it hummed something like this:

Hum dum dum ditty dum

Hum dum dum

Oh the wind is lashing lustily

And the trees are thrashing thrustily

And the leaves are rustling gustily

So it's rather safe to say

That it seems that it may turn out to be

It feels that it will undoubtedly

It looks like a rather blustery day, today

It seems that it may turn out to be

Feels that it will undoubtedly

Looks like a rather blustery day, today.

Fortunately, Pooh's thoughtful spot was in a sheltered place. Now he sat down and tried hard to think of something.

Think, think, think

[Gopher] Say, what's wrong, sonny? Got yourself a headache?

No, I was just thinking.

[Gopher] That's so, what about?

I, oh bother, you made me forget.

[Gopher] If I was you I'd think about skiddaddling out of here.

Why?

[Gopher] 'Caus it's wind's day.

Windsday? Oh, I think I shall wish everyone a happy Windsday, and I shall begin with my very dear friend, Piglet.

[Narrator] Now Piglet lived in the middle of the forest in a very grand house in the middle of a beech tree. And Piglet loved it very much.

[Piglet] Yes, oops. You see its been in the family a long time, a... it belonged to my grandfather. Oh, that's his name up there, "Trespassers Will", that's short for a...Trespassers William.

[Narrator] Trespassers William?

[Piglet] Yes, and Grandma, she called him TW. That's even shorter.

[Narrator] Yes, yes, yes, and on this blustery day the wind was giving you a bit of a bug.

[Piglet] Now, you've been here before. I don't mind the leaves that are leaving. It's the leaves that are coming. Whooops.

[Pooh] Happy Windsday, Piglet.

[Piglet] Well, it isn't very happy for me.

Where're you going Piglet?

That's what I'm asking myself, where? Whhooooops! P-P-P-P-POOH!

What do you think you will answer yourself?

Oh, oh, oh... I'm unraveling! Whooops. Ohhh. That was a close one!

Hang on tight Piglet!

Oh dear, oh dear, dear!

[Roo] Look Momma, look! A kite!

[Kanga] Oh my goodness! It's Piglet!

[Pooh] Happy Windsday Kanga, happy Windsday Roo!

[Roo] Can I fly Piglet next Pooh?

[Piglet] Oh dear, oh dear, dear!

[Eeyore] There, that should stand against anything.

[Piglet] Oh help, help! Somebody save me! (CRASH).

[Pooh] Happy Windsday Eeyore!

[Eeyore] Thanks for noticin' me.

[Pooh] Oh, bother.

[Rabbit] What a refreshing day for harvesting.

[Pooh] Happy Windsday Rabbit!

[Rabbit] Pooh Bear! Stop! Oh, come back. Oh no, oh no, oh no. OH YES! Next time I hope he blows right through my rutabaga patch.

[Owl] Who, who, who is it?

[Piglet] It's me. P-P-Please, may I come in?

[Owl] Well I say now. Someone has pasted Piglet on my window. Well, well, Pooh too! This is a surprise! Do come in and make yourselves... comfortable. Am I correct in assuming it is a rather blustery day outside ?

[Piglet] Yes sir, Owl, it's a very, very blustery day, outside.

[Pooh] Oh yes, that reminds me, happy Windsday Owl!

My good fellow, I wouldn't go so far as to call it a Windsday, just a gentle spring zephyr.

Excuse me Owl, is there honey in that pot?

Oh yes, yes, of course, help yourself. Now as I was saying this is just a mild spring zephyr compared to the big wind of '67, or was it a... '76? Oh well, no matter. Oh, I remember the big blow well.

[Piglet] I'll remember this one too.

It was the year my Aunt Clara went to visit her cousin. Now her cousin was not only gifted on the glockenspiel, but being a screech owl, also sang soprano in the London Opera.

[Pooh] Thank you Piglet.

You see her constant practicing so unnerved my aunt that she laid a c-note down by mistake!

(Owl's Tree crashes to the ground).

[Piglet] Oh dear, oh dear, dear!

Well I say now, someone has, Pooh, did you do that?

I don't think so.

[Narrator] As soon as Christopher Robin heard of the disaster, he hurried to the scene of Owl's misfortune.

[Christopher Robin] What a pity! Owl, I don't think we will ever be able to fix it.

[Eeyore] If you ask me, when a house looks like that, it's time to find another one.

[Christopher Robin] That's a very good idea Eeyore.

[Eeyore] It might take a day or two, but I'll find a new one.

[Owl] Good, that will just give me time to tell you about my Uncle Clyde, a very independent barn owl. He didn't give a hoot for tradition, he became an namable pussy cat and went to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat.

[Narrator] Owl talked from page 41 to page 62, and on page 62 the blustery day turned into a blustery night. To Pooh it was a very anxious sort of night, filled with anxious sorts of noises, and one of the noises was a sound that had never been heard before.

Grrrr

Piglet. Is that you, Piglet ?

Grrrrowl.

Oh tell me about it tomorrow, Eeyore?

Grrrrowl

Come in Christopher Robin.

Now Pooh being a bear of very little brain decided to invite the new sound in.

Hello out there. Oh I hope nobody answers.

Hello, I'm Tigger!

Oh, you scared me.

Yeah, sure I did. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Everyone's scared of Tiggers. Who are you?

I'm Pooh.

Oh, Pooh, sure. What's a Pooh?

You're sitting on one.

I am? Oh ,well, glad to meet you! Name's Tigger. T I double Ga eR. That spells Tigger.

But what is a Tigger?

Well, he asked for it...

The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is Tiggers are wonderful things

Their tops are made out of rubber

Their bottoms are made out of springs

They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy

Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!

But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is I'm the only one.

I'm the only one

(GRRrrrrrr...)

Then what's that over there?

Oh, look, look, look! What a strange looking creature! Look at those beady little eyes and that preposterous chin and those ricky tickin striped pajamas.

Looks like another Tigger to me.

Oh no it's not. I'm the only Tigger! Watch me scare the stripes of that impostor. Grrrr! Is he gone?

All except the tail. He's gone. You can come out now, Tigger. Tigger ?

Hello, I'm Tigger!

You said that.

Oh, did I say I was hungry?

I don't think so.

Now I say it. I'm hungry.

Not for honey, I hope.

Honey! A pot of honey. That's what Tiggers like best.

I was afraid of that.

Oh say, YUCK! Tiggers don't like honey!

But you said that you liked...

That sticky stuff is only fit for Heffalumps and Woozles.

You mean Elephants and Weasels.

That's what I said, Heffalumps and Woozles.

What do they do?

Oh, nothing much, just steal honey.

Steal honey?

Yes sure do, well I'd better bounce along now chum. Cheerio !

The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is Tiggers are wonderful things

Their tops are made out of rubber

Their bottoms are made out of springs

They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy

Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!

But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is I'm the only one.

I'm the only one.

If what Tigger said was true, and there really were Heffalumps and Woozles about, there was only one thing to do; take drastic precautions to protect his precious honey.

Oh, hallo, am I glad to see you? It's more friendly with two. Now, you go that way and I'll go this way. You didn't see anything, did you ? Neither did I.

Now the very blustery night turned into a very rainy night. And Pooh kept his lonely vigil, hour after hour, after hour, until at last Pooh fell fast asleep and began to dream.

[Tigger] Heffalumps and Woozles, Heffalumps and Woozles steal honey, beware, beware!

They're black they're brown they're up their down

They're in they're out they're all about

They're far they're near they're gone they're here

They're quick and slick and insincere

Beware Beware Be a very wary bear

A Heffalump or Woozle is very confusel

The Heffalump or Woozle is very sly

sly - sly - sly

They come in ones and twoosels

but if they so choosels

before your eyes you'll see them multiply

ply - ply - ply

They're extra-ordinary so better be wary

Because they come in every shape and size

size - size - size

If honey is what you covet you'll find that they love it

Because they guzzle up the thing you prize

They're green they're blue they're pink they're white

They're round they're square they're a terrible sight

They tie themselves in horrible knots

They come in stripes or polka-dots

Beware Beware Be a very wary bear

{musical interlude}

They're extra-ordinary so better be wary

Because they come in every shape and size

size - size - size

If honey's what you covet you'll find that they love it

Because they guzzle up the things you prize

They're black they're brown they're up their down

They're in they're out they're all about

They're far they're near they're gone they're here

They're quick and slick and insincere

Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware ....

[Pooh] Is it raining in there? It's raining out here too.

[Narrator] As a matter of fact it was raining all over the Hundred Acre Wood. There was a thunderstorm on page 71, and on page 73 there was a bit of a cloudburst. It rained, and it rained, and it rained.

The rain rain rain came down down down

in rushing rising rivlets

Till the river crept out of its bed

and crept right into Piglet's

For Piglet he was frightened with quite a rightful fright

And so in desperation a message he did write

Help!

P-P-Piglet

Me!

He placed it in a bottle and it floated out of sight

And the rain rain rain came down down down

so Piglet started bailing

He was unaware atop his chair

while bailing he was sailing

And the rain rain rain came down down down

and the flood rose up-up-upper

Pooh too was caught and so he thought

I must rescue my supper

Ten honey pots he rescued enough to see him through

But as he sopped up his supper

The river sopped up Pooh

And the water twirled and tossed him

In a honey pot

... rain rain rain came down down down

when the rain rain rain came down down down ... (fade)

[Narrator] So the Hundred Acre Wood got floodier and floodier, but the water couldn't come up to Christopher Robin's house, so that's where everyone was gathering. It was a time of great excitement. But in the midst of all excitement Eeyore stubbornly stuck to his task of house hunting for Owl.

[Eeyore] There's one. Cozy cottage. Nice location. Bit damp for Owl though.

Meanwhile little Roo made an important discovery.

[Roo] Look! I've rescued a bottle! And it's got something in it too!

[Christopher Robin] It's a message! And it says: "Help! P-P-Piglet. ME!" Owl, you fly over to Piglet's house, and tell him we'll make a rescue.

A rescue ! Yes, yes, of course, of course.

So Owl flew out over the flood and he soon spotted two tiny objects below him. One was little Piglet caught in the whirlpool and the other was Pooh trying to get the last bit of honey from the pot.

[Pooh] Yum, yum.

[Piglet] Oh, Owl, I don't need ... but I'm afraid, I'm scared.

[Owl] Now, now Piglet, chin up and all that sort of thing. A rescue is being thought of. Be brave, little Piglet !

[Piglet] It's awfully hard to be brave when you're such a small animal.

[Owl] Then to divert your small mind from your unfortunate predicament I should tell you an amusing antidote. It concerns a distant cousin of mine who became so frightened during a flood that he...

[Piglet] I beg your pardon Owl, but I t-t-think we're coming to a very big waterfall.

[Owl] Please, no interruptions.

[Owl] Ah, there you are, Pooh Bear. Now, to continue my story.

[Christopher Robin] Look! There's Pooh ! Over here Pooh!

Oh, hello Christopher Robin.

Pooh, thank goodness you're safe. Have you seen Piglet?

Excuse me, I'm here. What I mean is, here I am.

Pooh ! You rescued Piglet!

I did ?

Yes. And it was a very brave thing to do.

It was?

You're our hero!

I am

And as soon as the flood is over I shall give you a hero party!

(Hooray's from everybody!)

[Christopher Robin] Attention everybody ! Now this party is a hero party, because of what someone did. And that someone is...

[Eeyore] I found it.

[Christopher Robin] Found what, Eeyore ?

[Eeyore] House for Owl.

[Owl] I say Eeyore, good job.

[Piglet] Oh, isn't that wonderful. Where is it Eeyore?

[Eeyore] If you want to follow me, I'll show it to you.

So everyone followed Eeyore. Then to the surprise of all, Eeyore stopped right in front of...

[Rabbit] Piglet's house?

[Christopher Robin] Why are you stopping here Eeyore?

[Eeyore] This is it. Owl's new house.

[Rabbit] Oh dear. Mercy me.

[Piglet] Oh dear. Mercy me too.

[Eeyore] Name's on it and everything. W O L. That spells Owl.

[Owl] Bless my soul. So it does!

[Eeyore] Well, what do you think of it?

[Christopher Robin] It is a nice house Eeyore, but...

[Kanga] It is a lovely house Eeyore, but...

[Piglet] It's, it's the best house in the whole world.

[Pooh] Tell them it's your house Piglet.

No Pooh. This house belongs (sniff) to our very good friend, Owl.

[Pooh] But Piglet ! Where will you live?

Well, I guess I shall live, I suppose I shall live-

[Pooh] With me! You shall live with me! Won't you Piglet?

With you? Oh, thank you Pooh Bear, of course I will.

[Christopher Robin] Piglet, that was a very grand thing to do.

[Rabbit] A heroic thing to do.

[Pooh] Christopher Robin, can you make a one hero party into a two hero party?

[Christopher Robin] Of course, we can, silly ol' bear.

And so Pooh was a hero for saving Piglet, and Piglet was a hero for giving Owl his grand home in the beech tree.

We never will forget our hero of the wet

Our quick thinking unsinking Pooh bear

And Piglet who indeed helped out a friend in need

For truly they're the heroes of the day

So we say Hip Hip Hooray for the Piglet and the Pooh

Piglet and Pooh we salute you...

... [Gopher] What's all that stomping and singing and silly shenanigans...

for deeds of bravery and generosity

Hip Hip Hooray

Hip Hip Hooray

Hip Hip Hooray for Winnie the Pooh

[Piglet] And Piglet too.

The original version of this movie continues with the short: "WTP and A DAY FOR EEYORE" about Pooh-Sticks and Eeyore's Birthday. The "Special Edition" continues here with: "Unbouncing Tigger". We do not have the "special edition" and therefore could not continue with the transcript. If anyone else can complete the gaps in this transcript, please e-mail Topher's Castle at the.topher@juno.com.

I'm sure ... Wasn't that fun Piglet?

Yes Pooh, but, but the best party is when it stops.

Well in the next chapter there's a great deal of bouncing.

There is? Oh I think that I just remembered something that I forgot to do yesterday and can't be able to do tomorrow, so I suppose I really ought to go back and do it now. Ah, good bye Pooh.

Good bye, Piglet. Now is the next chapter all about me?

No, no, it's mostly about Tigger.

Oh, bother.

But you're in it.

Oh good. What will I be doing?

Well Pooh, you'll be sitting in your thoughtful spot, thinking as usual.

Think, think, think.

And while you were thinking all of a sudden-

Hello Pooh! I'm Tigger! T I G G E R. And that spells Tigger.

I know. You've bounced me before.

I did? Oh, yes, I recall you now. You're the one with stuff and fluff.

And you're sitting on it.

Yeah, and it's comfy too. Well, I've got to go now. I've got a lot of bouncing to do.

Well there goes Tigger, always bouncing in on his friends, who may least expect him.

Hello Piglet! I'm Tigger!

Oh Tigger! You scared me!

Oh shucks, it was just one of my little pounces.

It was? Oh thank you, Tigger.

Oh yeah, I'm saving my best pounce for the long eared.

There. That should .... Oh, no

Hello Rabbit! I'm Tigger! T I double G

Oh please, please, don't spell it. Oh, dear, oh dear, just look at my beautiful garden.

Yuck, messy, isn't it?

Messy, messy? It's ruined! It's ruined Tigger! Oh, why don't you ever stop bouncing?

Why? That's what Tiggers do best!

The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is Tiggers are wonderful things

Their tops are made out of rubber

Their bottoms are made out of springs

They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy

Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!

But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is I'm the only one.

I'm the only one

Order! Order please! Now I say Tigger's getting so bouncy nowadays that it's time we taught him a lesson. No matter how much we like him!

.... he just bounces too much.

Er, excuse me Rabbit, but perhaps if we could think of a way of an unbouncing Tigger, it would be a very good idea. ha?

Exactly! Just what I ... What do you feel Pooh?

Pooh! Haven't you been listening to what Rabbit's been saying?

I listened, but then I had a small piece of fluff in my ear. Could you say it again, please Rabbit?

Well, where should I start from?

From the moment the fluff got in my ear.

When was that?

I don't know, I couldn't hear properly.

Pooh, we were just trying to think of a way to get the bounce out of Tigger.

Aha, I've got a splendid idea! Now listen! We'll take Tigger for a long exploration some place where he's never been, and we lose him there.

Lose him?

Oh we'll find him again next morning, and mark my words, he'll be a humble Tigger. A small and sad Tigger. And "oh Rabbit am I glad to see you" Tigger. And it'll take the bounces out of him. That's why. Now all in favor say " Aye "

Aye? Pooh! Pooh!

Oh here.

Good, just good.....

So it was agreed that they would start the next morning, which incidentally turned out to be cold and misty. Pooh as usual had a little something along to sustain himself. Now as Tigger kept bouncing farther and farther into the mist, Rabbit thought it was a good time to lose Tigger.

Here's our chance! Quick! Over here! Hide!

Tigger's lost now, isn't he, Rabbit.

Oh he is lost, all right Piglet.

Oh goody, this is ...of funful.

My splendid idea worked! Now home we go.

Good, yum, yum, it's time for lunch.

Hellooooo!

Oh my goodness! Hide!

Hellooooo! That's funny. We must be lost. HaLLOO! Hey you blokes, where are you?

Shush!

I am shushed.

Hey! Where in the heck are you guys? Halloo! Rabbit! Piglet! Where are you? Halloo.

Hooray, hooray we got it. Now come on, hurry. Let's head for home.

Well, Rabbit was certain that everything was going according to plan. And so it seemed to be. But sometime later on the bottom of page 123-

It's a funny thing everything looks the same in the mist.

He's right Piglet, it's the very same sandpit.

I think so too Pooh.

Well it's lucky I know the forest so well, or we make it lost. Come on, follow me!

Now Pooh was getting tired of seeing the same sandpit and he suspected it if following them about, because whichever direction they started in they always seemed to end up at it.

Oh, Rabbit.

Yes?

Say Rabbit, how would it be if as soon as we are out of sight of this old pit we just try to find it again.

.....

Well, you see, we keep looking for home, but we keep finding this pit, so I .... that if we look for this pit we might find home.

I don't see much sense in that. If I want ... this pit .... of course I should find it, I'll prove it for you, wait here.

So Pooh and Piglet waited in the mist for Rabbit and they waited and waited and waited. And all awhile Pooh's thoughts kept returning to his honey pots at home.

What, what was that Pooh?

My tummy rumbled. Now then, come on, let's go home.

But Pooh! Do you know the way?

No Piglet, but there're 12 pots of honey in my cupboard and they have been calling to my tummy.

They have?

Yes Piglet. I couldn't hear them before because Rabbit went talk. I think I know where they're calling from so come on, we'll just follow my tummy.

Well, they walked off together and for a long time Piglet said nothing so as not to interrupt Pooh's honey pots. And sure enough as the mist got thinner and just when Piglet began to know where he was-

Hello there, you two blokes. Where have you been?

We've been trying to find out our way back home.

Pooh, I don't think Rabbit's splendid idea worked.

Hey, where is the long eared, anyway?

He must still be missing in the mist.

Well, leave it to me, I'll bounce ........

Meanwhile Rabbit was still wandering around in the mist. By now he was lost and bewildered. And to make matters worse his mind was beginning to play tricks on him.

What's that? Pooh? Piglet! Help!

Hello Rabbit!

Tigger! But, but you're supposed to be lost!

Ah, Tiggers never get lost, bunny boy.

Never get lost?

Of course not.

Oh no.

Come on, Rabbit! Let's go home! Hang on!

So they started back. And Rabbit was now a humiliated Rabbit. A lost and found Rabbit. And "oh why oh why do these things happen to me" Rabbit.

And now we come to the next chapter in which the first snowfall had covered the Hundred Acre Wood. And in which Tigger learns that even bouncing can be overdone. On this they Roo was waiting for Tigger to take him out to play.

Mama, when is Tigger gonna get here?

Be patient, dear, he'll be -

Well, here I am! I guess I surprised you Roo!

You sure did! I like surprises!

Hello Mrs. Kanga, ma'am!

What ails you Tigger dear?

She called me dear. Roo, are you ready for some bouncing?

Yeah. You and me are big bouncers!

Just a moment dear. Hold still! Goodness, you're bouncy today.

......

... scarf...

Not so tight, mama!

Is your sweater warm enough?

Yes, mother.

Well, come on Roo, let's go!

Tigger! .... And be careful!

Don't worry, Mrs. Kanga. I'll take care of the little nipper.

Ah, what a perfect day! Peace and quiet and thank goodness no Tigger.

See, look, look! ...... long eared.

Can Tiggers ice-skate, ...rabbit

Can Tiggers ice-skate? Why, that's what Tiggers do the best!

Say, this is a cinch. Hoooo, look out!

Oh, why does it always have to be me? Why, why, why?

Tigger, Tigger, are you all right?

Yuck, Tiggers don't like ice-skating.

So Tigger and Roo went farther into the Hundred Acre Wood looking for something that Tiggers do best.

.... climb trees... Tigger.

Climb trees? That's what Tiggers do best! Only Tiggers don't climb trees, they bounce them. Come on, let's go! I almost bounced clear out of the book! Fun bouncing? Say, how did this tree get so high? Hey, what's happening now?

....swing....

Stop that kid, please! S T O P stop! You're rocking the forest!

What's the matter, Tigger?

Oh, thank goodness. I was just getting sea-sick from seeing too much.

We just have to leave Tigger up in the tree top for a little while, because at the bottom of the next page Pooh is having a problem of his own.

What are you doing Pooh?

Shhh! Tracking something.

Tracking what?

Oh that's what I ask myself, Piglet. What?

And what do you think ... answer ....

Oh I shall have to wait until I catch up with it.

Pooh, for a bear of very little brain, you're sure a ....

Thank you, Piglet.

Now what?

A very mysterious thing Piglet. A whole new set of tracks! See?

And so it seemed to be. There was a track joining each other here, getting mixed up with each other there. But to Pooh quite clearly four sets of paw marks.

Piglet, whatever it was that made these tracks has now been joined by a whatever it is!

Yes, and all of them are proceeding in company.

Piglet, I wasn't exactly expecting company.

Neither was I Pooh.

So they went on feeling a little anxious now, in case the animals in front of them were of hostile intent.

Halloo!

Look, look, Piglet! There's something in that tree over there.

Is that one of the fiercer animals?

Yes. It's a Jagular.

What do Jagulars do Pooh?

Well, Jagulars always call " halloo" and when you look up they drop on you.

I'm looking down, Pooh.

Halloo!

Hey Tigger, it's Pooh and Piglet! Pooh! Piglet!

Why, it's only Tigger and Roo. Come on!

Hallo Roo! Hey what are you and Tigger doing up there?

I'm alright, but Tigger's stuck.

Help somebody, please! Get Christopher Robin!

Well it wasn't too long before word got back to Christopher Robin and the others that Tigger was in trouble.

Hallo Pooh, hallo Piglet. What's up?

Tigger and Roo are up.

Oh my goodness! Roo how did you get way up there?

Easy mama. We bounced up.

Oh gracious. Do be careful dear!

I'm all right mama, but Tigger's stuck.

Oh, what a shame. That's too bad.

No, that's good! ...he can't bounce anybody up there.

Oh dear. We just have to get him down somehow.

Down, down. Do we have to?

Come on everyone! Let's hold the corner of my coat.

You're first Roo! Jump!

Try not to fall too fast dear! Oh thank goodness!

Gee, that was fun! Come on Tigger! It doesn't hurt. Jump!

You're next Tigger! Jump!

Jump? Tiggers don't jump! They bounce.

Then bounce down.

Don't be ridiculous! Tiggers only bounce up!

You can climb down Tigger.

No, we Tiggers can't climb down because .... tail...

Hooray! ... if he won't jump and he can't climb down then we just have to leave him up there forever.

Forever? Oh if I ever get out of this I promise never to bounce again, never!

I heard that Tigger! He promised! Did you hear him promise? I heard him! I heard him! You heard him, didn't you? Didn't you?

Well Tigger, your bouncing really got you into trouble this time.

Say, who're you?

I'm the narrator.

Oh well, please for goodness sake narrate me down from here.

Very well. Hold on tight.

You can let go now Tigger.

Never.

But Tigger! Look for yourself! You're perfectly safe.....what did I tell you Tigger. Come on. There we go.

Oh good old ... I'm safe. ..happy I'm still bouncing.

Ah, you promised, you promised!

Oh, I did, didn't I. If you mean I can't ever bounce again?

Never!

Never? Not even just one incey wincey bounce?

Not even a .... of a bounce!

Oh the poor dear. Oh that's too bad.

Christopher Robin? I like the old bouncing Tigger the best.

So do I, Roo.

I do too.

Me too.

Of course we all do. Don't you agree Rabbit?

Well, Rabbit?

I, there is a, what I mean,

Well?

Oh, all right. I guess I like the old Tigger better too.

...you mean I can have my bounce back? Come on Rabbit! Let's you and me bounce!

Good heavens! Me bounce?

Why, certainly! Look! You get the feet for it!

I have?

Sure! Come on! Try it! And make you feel just right!

..... Come on everybody! Bounce!

The wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is Tiggers are wonderful things

Their tops are made out of rubber

Their bottoms are made out of springs

They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy

Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!

But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is I'm the only one.

I'm the only one

(GRRrrrrrr...)

And so we come to the last chapter, in which Christopher Robin and Pooh come to the enchanted place, and we say goodbye.

Goodbye? Oh no, please can't we go back to page one and do it all over again?

Sorry Pooh, but all stories have an ending you know.

Oh, bother.

Yes the time had come at last. Christopher Robin was going away to school. Nobody else in the forest knew exactly why or where he was going, all they knew was it had something to do with twice times and how to make things called ABC and where a place called Brazil is.

Pooh, what do you like doing best in the world?

What I like best is me going to visit you and you saying " how about a ... of honey?"

I like that too. But what I like best is just doing nothing.

How do you do just nothing?

Well, it's when the grown-ups ask" what are you going to do?" and you're saying nothing and then you go out and do it.

I like that. Let's do it all the time!

You know something Pooh? .... nothing any more.

You mean never again?

Well, not so much. Pooh, when I'm away just doing nothing will you come up here sometimes?

You mean alone? Just me?

Yes. And Pooh. Promise you won't forget me,ever?

Oh I won't Christopher, I promise.

Not even when I'm a hundred?

How old shall I be then?

99, silly old bear.

Wherever they go and whatever happens to them on the way in that enchanted place on top of the forest a little bear will always be waiting.

THE END