Entitled Mom Steals My Eyes?!

Right, so I was just sitting in the Costco foodcourt, minding my own business chowing down on a hot dog, when this middle aged woman with blonde hair styled into a pixie cut and her fat slob son with soda stains on his shirt walk towards me. Being a nice person I wave to them. Suddenly, the kid starts screaming at his mom.

Obviously, M = Me, EM = Entitled Mom, EK = Entitled Kid, ED = Encyclopedia Dramatica  Entitled Dad but he factors into the story later.

M: Is there a problem?

EM: Excuse me, Sir, but my kid has noticed your beautiful blue eyes! Hand them over!

M: But... he already has eyes. Also ma'am, I need my eyes to be alive. Your son can't have them.

EM: But he WANTS them!

M: Go away. I haven't eaten in 6 days. Let me enjoy my hot dog in peace.

EM: NO! NO! NO! YOU DON'T NEED THEM, AND MY SON WANTS THEM!!!

Suddenly, the kid pins me down and the actual eyes he has grow as wide as saucers. He opens his mouth to roar, revealing rows of teeth like a trash compactor. He viciously swipes my eyes, and now I can't see anything.

M: That wasn't polite of you. Please give my eyes back.

EM: No, Sir! My Joey is really enjoying them!

EK: One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free You'll find a god in every golden cloister And if you're lucky then the god's a she I can feel an angel sliding up to me

Then, some guy shows up.

???: Shut up, lady!

M: Wha?

The man helps me up.

M: So, who are y-

Before I could finish my sentence, this mysterious man snapped the mom's neck like a fucking glowstick.

???: Don't you know? I... am... PETER GRIFFIN! Nyeheheheheheheh...

M: PETER GRIFFIN? THE PETER GRIFFIN?

Peter Griffin: Yes. It is me. Peter Griffin. Now come along.

He helped me up and took me home. Sure, I may be blind and can't see shit anymore, but what's REALLY important is that Peter Griffin I taught that entitled mom a lesson!