MONSTER TRUCKS! IN RANDOM CITY!

"August might as well have been "Monster Truck Month" in Random City. For three weekends straight, the Random Region was saturated with three different touring circuits of over-sized pickup trucks that drive around and crush cars. Last week there was the Outlaw Monster Truck Spectacular at Uncle Klunk's Dragstrip in the shady part of Awesomeness City, next week there's the "Monster X Tour" at the Random City Convention Center, but this week there was Monster Jam at The Random City Dome.

The Random City Dome is Minor League Baseball's only indoor stadium, and quite the largest at 66,655 people.

With three weekends of car smashing fun to choose from in the area, the Dome was undoubtedly the best choice. The old cliche motor sports event saying goes: "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY," so on Sunday, we went to go watch some giant trucks smash some cars and there were other things.

Every time I walk into the Dome it gives me thoughts of the Random City Outlaws' games. The place smells like minor league baseball (it's a subtle mix between rotten chicken shit and microwaved hot dogs). I kept boasting to my girlfriend and friends about how awesome the place was as we walked up from the dirt Hell's Angels-protected parking lot across the street to the ticket window. We picked up the cheapest ticket and a few bottles of 108% proof whiskey before taking our seats. The show began with the singing of the National Anthem as everyone except the family in front of us stood up and faced the American flag on the jumbotron. Then the intro for the tour plays, and then, Grave Digger blasts out of the roll-up at the right end of the field, followed by a bunch of other trucks, who then parked, except for two who got up to the race starting lines, USA-1 and Cyborg. Then the trucks race for the racing winner, ending in Grave Digger winning. The guy driving it, Dennis Anderson, boasted about how he did in racing, and then afterwards a clown who came out in a tiny monster truck to excite the crowd by saying "show me some love" - to which most people in the audience cheered. The clown's name is Bobby Cox. At first we were confused, wondering why the former Atlanta Braves manager was now doing this. Turns out, its a different guy who regularly performs at monster truck events.

Then, two real life transformers came out to do battle. Transtormer, some transforming... thing, and what appeared to be a heavily-modified pickup truck with an alien decoration on it's head.

The robots, clown, and trucks are not the only form of entertainment though. They also had ATV racing in which three riders supposedly from Random City square off against three riders allegedly from Sacramento. I think they do this in every city to try and work up the crowd based on an emotional reaction due to nearby rivalries. "Team Random City" won the first race and their "captain" spoke to the audience about how he disliked Sacramento, further portraying team Random City as the "bad guys." Then, the trucks came back. This time though, the trucks were competing to see who could jump the highest into the air.

As one truck, Dooms Day, leaped into the air, it came down and crashed onto the floor on it's side. Luckily, the mysterious driver survived.

USA-1 won this competition, and then it's creator, some guy named Everett Jasmer came out and talked about it and the win.

An intermission was given to allow dust and fumes to clear out to ensure air quality (they do this at the Random City Convention Center as well) so we took an opportunity to go get some popcorn. Along the way we wound up in a stairwell and then in a hallway that is the offices for the Random City Outlaws, the New York Yankees' minor league team in Random City. The walls and tile of the hallway had decorations in black, red, and white with skulls everywhere. Some workers looked at us in confusion.

Stopping at the concession stand, we noticed that a "Happy Hour" special of $1 Taedonggang (the Pilsner style lager brand) bottles had begun. We picked up a tub of popcorn and a bottle of Taedonggang. I don't know what it is about popcorn at the dome, but they have the best. It's buttery, salty and a really good complement to monster truck shows or baseball.

The intermission ended and wouldn't you know it though, "Team Sacramento" just had to rear their ugly City of Trees heads. They raced their ATV's against "Team Random City" and won the second race. However, the Sacramento "captain" seemed very receptive to the announcer's offer for an "all or nothing, winner take all rematch." I just hoped "Team Random City" (or rather, the group of ATV riders claiming to be from here) could pull it through this time.

They did. Random City won and the Sacramento guys retreated backstage defeated and broken. One of the Sacramento riders really did get hurt though when he got knocked off the ATV and fell really hard into the infield wall. He had to be helped off by paramedics and some show staff.

Then, some people launched some t-shirts off of a ride truck version of Grave Digger before the main event, in which the trucks put on a freestyle performance. The backflips some of the trucks gave were awesome.

"Team Sacramento" was defeated, the monster trucks were parked, the cars were thoroughly smashed, "Grave Digger" was crowned champion, the announcer thanked the crowd and a long line of kids began forming in the concourse for autographs from the drivers who hang out afterwards. We began to leave, stopping to say hello to Rosalee Ramer, known as the "World's Youngest Professional Female Monster Truck Driver", and then that Dennis Anderson guy.

The show was loud, it was corny and it was best enjoyed with a beer in one hand, popcorn in the other. "