Totally Real Camp Lakebottom Quotes

THREE WORDS - BOUND. TO. HAPPEN.

I AM SO SORRY.

"McGee has been trying to convince me “Gwen” is short for “Gwenjamin” for thirty minutes, and I’m about three seconds away from snapping his neck."

- Gretchen

"[Gretchen walks in in a pink shirt] Squirt: Oh my god. Gretchen is wearing pink! She is wearing pink! McGee: Are we sure it’s not just a white shirt that’s been bloodied in a motorcycle crash?"

"Gretchen: Ah, Squirt did the dishes. McGee: How do you know I didn’t do them? Gretchen: Because one time, when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys."

"“Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly... I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards”, on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun, short and to the point, exciting, and dramatic!"

- Gretchen

"Suzi: Nobody under 5’2 can talk about fighting anyone. Like, what’re you gonna do, headbutt them to death? Gretchen: Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole"

"Suzi: How is spring not everyone's favorite season? The trees are PINK!<brMcGee: Allergies are also a problem, y'know. Suzi: But pink. McGee: And it's hot. Suzi: PINK!"

"Squirt: How can I tell if my water's boiling? McGee: Try sticking your hand in the pot. Gretchen, waking up at 12:00 AM in a cold sweat: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN."

"Squirt: You know what? We're clever too, Smarty-Pants. Gretchen: Oh yeah?! Then what's the difference between a gamete and a zygote?! McGee, narrowing his eyes: Squirt, don't fall for it. She's just making up words."

"Gretchen: Why is there a pentagram on the floor? Squirt: Okay, first of all, it's NOT a pentagram! And second, why are you here right now? McGee: Oh jeez, you just summoned Gretchen!"