Sex Offender Shuffle Lyrics from memory

Hi, I'm Pixel, and my only talent is that I know all the lyrics to this song by heart. I don't know why, but here we go! Keep in mind no websites were used. This is a natural talent of mine for some reason.

tha lyrics
The state of Florida has asked us to

Disclose our sexual crimes to you

We were bad, but now we're good

We're moving into your neighborhood

You know we're trying our best to be

Functioning members of society

We're not here to start no trouble

We're legally required to do the sex offender shuffle

I'm Larry Arthauer and I'll refrain

From touching my neighbor's kids again

What I did was not too kind

But I'm a nice guy, you'll come to find

I've got a backyard and a real nice pool

Y'all should come over for a BBQ

We can make some cold drinks in my blender

But do keep in mind that I'm a sex offender

Vernon Douglas is my name

My battery arrest is what brought me fame

But there's much more to know about me

I love to dance, and I love to ski

I zip and zoom on through the snow

Just strap on my boots and watch me go

But I can't ski until December

Till then, I'm just a sex offender

I'm Charles Dolling, dropping rhymes

I've been arrested seven times

I know that sounds like a lot

But three of those times were for vandalism

I feel real bad I got caught

Might do it again, probably not

I'm not here to make pretenses

I'm here because of my sex offenses

Sam Pound, I'm number one

Apologizing for what I've done

Case you're wondering what it was I snuck into a bathroom and

I'm not here to eat those truffles

I'm just here to do the sex offender shuffle!

Hey everybody, I'm Laura Hughes

Proving girls can do it too

And by "it", I mean touch your cousin

Was it worth it? No it wasn't

You won't find me in your child's playset

Cause I gotta wear this ankle bracelet I'm not here to go on a bender

I'm here because I'm a sex offender

Last name Burmholdt, first name Marc

I'm moving in somewhere on your block

Not in a house, but in a van

If you want me to move it, I sure can

The last thing I want is any trouble

I've learned my lesson from the sex offender shuffle

I'm the one they call Arthur Chase

They said I didn't have to show my face

My first trial ended in a hung jury

If I'm found guilty they'll unblur me

I'm not the necrophiliac Arthur Chase

That's a different Arthur Chase

I'm not here to be my own defender

I'm here because I'm possibly a sex offender

Okay, real quick. I-I'm not like these people, okay? This is an extortion plot by my ex-wife, who's the only witness, and she's trying to take away my kids and if-

I'm not here to pack my duffle

I'm here to do the sex offender shuffle

The state of Florida has asked us to

Disclose our sexual crimes to you

We were bad, but now we're good

We're moving into your neighborhood

We're obliged to admit

The crimes of which we were convicted

We're not here to start no trouble

We're legally required to do the sex offender shuffle