Steamed Hams but it's Secret Life of Pets

(Tiberius comes to Max's apartment as he knocks on the door with his bird foot. Max then opens the door to greet Tiberius)

Tiberius: Well, Max, I made it- despite your directions.

Max: Ah. Tiberius. Welcome. - I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Tiberius: Yeah.

(Tiberius sits at the table while Max goes into his kitchen, only to see that his oven is steaming. He gasps and runs to the oven and sees that the ham he was cooking is burning on fire)

Max: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined. (Max then sees a McDonalds restaurant out through his window) But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? (Max gets an idea) Delightfully devilish, Max.

(Max heads out through the window, only for him to stop when Tiberius came in and saw that he is about to go out through the window)

Singers: "Max with his crazy explanations, Tiberius's gonna need his medication, when he hears Max's lame exaggerations There'll be trouble in town tonight!"

Tiberius: MAX!

Max: Tiberius, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?

Tiberius: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Max?

Max: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams.

(Tiberius leaves then Max is relieved that Tiberius is gone then he finally goes out through the window and heads off to McDonalds. Then he comes back as he comes with the hamburgers and sets them on the table)

Max: Tiberius, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Tiberius: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Max: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Tiberius: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Max: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Tiberius: Uh-huh. Uh, what region?

Max: Uh, upstate New York.

Tiberius: Really. Well, We both live in New York and I flew up to Utica once, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

Max: Oh, not in Utica. No. It's an Albany expression.

Tiberius: I see.

(Tiberius takes a hamburger and takes a bite out of it)

Tiberius: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at McDonalds.

Max: Oh, no. Patented dog burgers. Old canine recipe.

Tiberius: For steamed hams.

Max: Yes.

Tiberius: Yes. And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Max: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second.

Tiberius: Of course.

(Max comes to check his oven and comes out where it is shown behind the door that the oven has setted up a fire)

Max: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Tiberius: Yes. I should be- Good Lord! What is happening in there?

Max: Aurora borealis.

Tiberius: Uh- Aurora borealis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?

Max: Yes.

Tiberius: May I see it?

Max: No.

(Max and Tiberius walk out of the house)

Gidget: (off screen) Max! The apartment is on fire!

Max: No, Gidget. It's just the northern lights.

Tiberius: Well, Tyler, you are an odd mutt but I must say you steam a good ham.

(Tiberius flies away to get back to his home with the fire still burning the appartment)

Gidget: (off screen) Help! Help!

(Tiberius turns around but to see Max lifting his thumb up that everything is ok. Then Tiberius continues to fly ahead)