How to Fly

Teach yourself.

=I SWEAR THIS WON'T HAPPEN!=

Fine I'll teach you. If you're still alive.
What do you mean it doesn'tt work?
 * 1) Get a pig.
 * 2) Get a saddle.
 * 3) Get shears.
 * 4) Put the saddle on the pig.
 * 5) Sit on the saddle.
 * 6) Hold the shears.
 * 7) Say "Run away you Sexy Beast!"
 * 8) Poke this pig in the eye.
 * 9) You shall Fly!

This guy can do it!