A transcript for a TV episode I created from TV Fanon Wiki

Pirate's Age Regression is an episode of Stranded: The Series from season two. In this episode, Ziggy mentally becomes a toddler after he looks into a magic top. His crew ends up having to take care of an adult in a bonnet and a diaper in a made up kids show.

Script

 * (Ziggy is walking through the jungle searching for items and putting them in his hat.)
 * Ziggy: Oooh, what have we got here? Wow, a sand dollar, an old coin, probably from buried treasure, and... hmmm, I wonder what else I'm going to find.
 * (Ziggy notices something near a bush. It is a spinning top, with a dial on top, set to "baby.")
 * Ziggy: It's a top. And not just any old top, it must some precious knick-knack. I've got to test it out to see if it still works...
 * (Ziggy spins the top, and spirals appears in his eyes.)
 * Ziggy and the Spinning Top: Round and round the Top spins all day, but dangerous consequences may come into play.
 * Ziggy: (thinking) What kind of dangerous consequences, though?
 * (The top stops spinning.)
 * (Ziggy sits down and crawls towards the top. He babbles as he bats at the top. An inchworm crawls by and Ziggy picks it up, preparing to eat it.)
 * Inchworm: Noooo! I'm too young to become pirate food!
 * Sam: (o/s) Hey! That's not food!
 * (Sam and Ham run over, take the inchworm away, and set it down.)
 * Inchworm: What a baby!
 * (The inchworm crawls away, and Ziggy fusses as a result.)
 * Ham: Ziggy, Ziggy, it's okay. Quiet down.
 * (Ziggy quiets down.)
 * Sam: What do you want to do, Ziggy?
 * (Ziggy points at the top.)
 * Ziggy: Top! Top! Top!
 * (Ziggy crawls over to the top and tries to spin it, but he fails to do so.)
 * Sam: Aw, look at him trying to play!
 * (Ziggy then puts the top in his mouth.)
 * Ham: No, Captain, spinning tops are not for eating.
 * (Ham takes the top away from Ziggy)
 * (Ziggy crawls, then toddles after Ham.)
 * Ziggy: No! Zi-ee want!
 * Ham: No, Ziggy, that's not for you. Here, let me put it in the cave for safekeeping. How's that?
 * (Ziggy sits down and pouts.)
 * Ziggy: No top.
 * (Ziggy crawls around Sam and Ham, then he toddles.)
 * Ziggy: Sam, Am! Wook! Zi-ee wa-king!
 * (Ziggy falls down, but he gets up and continues toddling afterwards. Sam and Ham laugh.)
 * Ham: That's very nice, Ziggy! Look at you, about to explore the world with your own two paws!
 * Sam: Very sweet, and you're walking kind of funny.
 * Ham: Let me show you how it's done!
 * (Ham does the moonwalk.)
 * Ham: Uh-huh, uh-huh, check it out, Ziggy!
 * (Ziggy becomes impressed and tries to do what Ham just did, but he falls down. He then babbles.)
 * Sam: Wow, Zi-gato, you seem very...
 * (Sam and Ham hear something trickling.)
 * Sam: ...baby-minded.
 * (Sam and Ham gasp at the trickling noise.)
 * Sam and Ham: Ziggy, no!
 * (Sam and Ham rush over to Ziggy, who has just wet himself and is fussing and sitting in a puddle of urine as a result. They are about to get angry at him, but they decide to take deep breaths.)
 * Sam: Calm down, calm down. He's just a baby, he can't contain himself.
 * Ham: We should be grateful that the Captain just did a pee-pee, and not the other thing. I think if he's baby-minded, he's probably not housebroken.
 * Ziggy: Uh-oh!
 * Sam: Uh-oh is right, Ziggy. We better get you cleaned up and protected, you know... just so you don't have another accident.
 * Ham: What a great idea, Sam. (to Ziggy) Come on, Ziggy.
 * (Sam and Ham scoop Ziggy up.)
 * (Transition to Ziggy, who is chewing onto his hat and is dressed in a bonnet and a diaper.)
 * Sam: Oh, and one more thing.
 * (Sam confisticates Ziggy's hat and puts it onto his head.)
 * Ham: Uh, isn't he already wearing a hat, though?
 * Sam: The Captain's not Captain without his pirate hat. (to Ziggy) What do you think of your look, Ziggy?
 * Ziggy: Cap-in Zi-ee!
 * (Ziggy squeals and claps his hands.)
 * Sam: Yes, Captain Ziggy!
 * Ziggy: Ha-ha, si-ba ti-bas!
 * Ham: He really likes it! (to Ziggy) Wanna go see Triton?
 * Ziggy: Ti-ton! Ti-ton! Ti-ton!
 * (Sam scoops Ziggy up in his arms.)
 * Sam: Come on then! Let's go see him.
 * (Transition to Triton flying through the jungle, until he runs into Sam and Ham.)
 * Sam: Guess what we've got?
 * Triton: What did you and Ham find, Sam? Were you out exploring?
 * (Sam and Ham reveal Ziggy, who is sucking his thumb.)
 * Ham: A baby!
 * Triton: Sam, Ham, Ziggy is not a baby! Why on Earth would you dress him up like this?
 * Sam: But he was acting like one!
 * (Ziggy takes his thumb out of his mouth and babbles.)
 * Triton: Ziggy. What has gotten into you? You've been scatterbrained, as if you drank ocean water.
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee not know.
 * (Ziggy bats at Triton's wing and beak.)
 * Ham: We found him acting like this.
 * Sam: Yeah, he was sucking his thumb and babbling a whole lot.
 * (Triton takes Ziggy, who has grabbed onto the former's beak, from Sam and Ham.)
 * Ziggy: (babbling) Ti-ton, Ti-ton, Ti-ton, (babbling).
 * Triton: Well then, until he gets back to normal, we'll take care of him. Sounds good?
 * Sam and Ham: Yes, Triton.
 * (Ziggy lets go of Triton's beak and starts crying.)
 * Sam: Oh, no!
 * Ham: Here we go with the crying!
 * Triton: What's setting you off, Lil' Captain?
 * Ziggy: Hun-ee! Hun-ee! Hun-ee!
 * Sam: I think he's hungry.
 * Ham: He has tried to eat a worm earlier.
 * Triton: It's nearing his lunchtime, so I'm gonna get the little chap something to eat. (to Ziggy, who has stopped crying) Come on, kiddo, let's get some lunch!
 * (Transition to Ziggy being seated in a highchair made of bamboo. He is served mush in a bowl, and Triton is about to feed him with a spoon.)
 * Triton: Mmmm, mush! This'll make the hungry monster in your tummy go away!
 * (Ziggy looks skeptically at the mush, then makes a face.)
 * Ziggy: No! Yucky!
 * (Ziggy sticks his tongue out.)
 * Triton: Try a bite, you'll love it!
 * (Ziggy turns away from the spoon.)
 * Ziggy: Mmm-mmm! Zi-ee no want mush! Mush yucky!
 * Triton: Come on, kid, you've got to eat. It tastes like candy!
 * Ziggy: No, no, no!
 * Sam: Psst, Triton, I think you gotta make it fun for him!
 * Ham: Pretend that the spoon you're holding is an airplane!
 * Triton: What a splendid idea! (to Ziggy) Okay, Lil' Captain! Here comes the airplane!
 * (As Triton makes plane noises, Ziggy excitedly looks at him.)
 * Triton: Open wide, Lil' Captain! Ahhh!
 * Ziggy: (in sync with Triton) Ahhh!
 * (Ziggy eats the mush and smiles.)
 * Ziggy: Mmmm!
 * Triton: Did you like it?
 * Ziggy: Mo mush! Mo mush!
 * Triton: Okay, okay!
 * (Ziggy opens his mouth, and Triton feeds him the mush while making plane noises.)
 * Ziggy: Mo! Mo! Mo!
 * (Triton chuckles and feeds him another spoonful of mush while making plane noises. Ziggy grins and gurgles, and some mush falls out of his mouth.)
 * Triton: Silly Captain! Mush goes in your mouth, not all over you!
 * (Triton scrapes some of the mush off his chin with the spoon and puts it back in Ziggy's mouth. Ziggy eats the mush and Triton gets a leaf and wipes Ziggy's chin.)
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee want mo!
 * (Ziggy opens his mouth, and Triton continuously feeds him as they go wildly fast. Cut to Ziggy and Triton without any mush left.)
 * Ziggy: Mo mush?
 * Triton: No, kiddo. No more mush.
 * Ziggy: Why no mo mush?
 * Triton: You ate it all, silly.
 * (Ziggy begins fussing, and Triton picks him up.)
 * Triton: Baby Ziggy, calm down. Things are gonna be okay.
 * (Triton pats Ziggy on the back like a baby.)
 * Ziggy: Huh?
 * (Ziggy belches.)
 * Triton: You're excused, Lil' Captain. Well, that should keep you quiet.
 * (Ziggy starts crying loudly, scaring Uninhabited's birds away. Sam and Ham are covering their ears.)
 * Sam: It's too loud!
 * Ham We're gonna need more than earplugs!
 * Triton: Shhh, shhh, Baby Ziggy, what's the matter?
 * (Ziggy sleepily rubs his eyes as he cries.)
 * Triton: You wanna go nap-nap?
 * (Ziggy sleepily nods and whimpers.)
 * Triton: Ah, what you need is a nap-nap bottle and a nice, soothing lullaby.
 * (Triton puts a bottle of milk in Ziggy's mouth and rocks him as he drinks the milk and a song begins to play.)
 * Triton: ♪Hush little pirate, don't you cry, I'm gonna buy you a papaya pie, and if that pie is eaten up, I'm gonna buy you a little pup.♪
 * (As Triton sings, Sam and Ham fall asleep, Rosetta falls asleep and falls out of the tree, and Ziggy stops crying as he yawns, burps bubbles, and grows drowsy. Ziggy then puts the bottle back in his mouth and resumes drinking.)
 * Triton: ♪And if that puppy doesn't bark, I'm gonna buy you a dancing aardvark. And if that aardvark doesn't dance, I hope this will put you in your trance.♪
 * (Ziggy falls asleep, having finished his bottle, and Triton takes it away.)
 * Triton: Oh, look. You fell right asleep, kiddo. And you finished up that bottle, too. Now I can put you down for your nap-nap. My, you're so peaceful when you sleep.
 * (Triton carries a sleeping Ziggy to a cage and sets him down.)
 * Triton: Night-night, my young Captain.
 * (Triton kisses him on the forehead and closes his cage.)
 * Triton: Shhh, he's sleeping.
 * (Triton softly flies away.)
 * Narrator: 30 minutes later...
 * (Ziggy wakes up.)
 * Ziggy: Ti-ton? Sam? Am?
 * (Ziggy crawls around his cage, frantically looking for Triton, Sam, and Ham.)
 * Ziggy: Ti-ton! Sam! Am!
 * (Ziggy toddles towards the front of the cage and sticks his paw through the bars.)
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee want you!
 * (Ziggy crawls back to the center of the cage and pouts.)
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee no get top! Un-ess... Zi-ee have big pan! Zi-ee cwy for top! Wok evy time!
 * (Ziggy cries and cries, but to no avail.)
 * Ziggy: No wok! Zi-ee want top now!
 * (Ziggy cries louder and louder, untils he notices a bad smell coming from him. It turns out that Ziggy has soiled his diaper and needs changing.)
 * Ziggy: Uh-oh. Ugh, poopy! Zi-ee stinky!
 * (Ziggy holds his nose and fans the air.)
 * (Cut to Triton, Sam, and Ham relaxing in a part of the jungle.)
 * Triton: It looks like Baby Ziggy's been napping for some time. Finally, we can get a break from this babysitting—
 * (Triton, Sam, and Ham are stopped by the foul smell in the air.)
 * Triton: ...business. Pee-eww! What is that awful smell? Sam, Ham, do you smell something funny?
 * Sam: Why's it smell funny?
 * Ham: It doesn't make us laugh.
 * Sam and Ham: But it smells so awful!
 * Triton: It reminds me that... we gotta go check on Ziggy. Come on, you two.
 * (Sam and Ham hop onto Triton's back and fly away. Transition to Triton, Sam, and Ham opening Ziggy's cage. Ziggy is fussing due to his soiled diaper as he is sitting down.)
 * Triton: Baby Ziggy, is that smell coming from you?
 * (Ziggy nods as Triton checks his diaper.)
 * Triton: Good gravy, kiddo, you must have had to go poopy really badly.
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee do poopy in di-dee. Zi-ee sowwy.
 * Triton: It's okay, kid. We'll fix that for you.
 * Ham: So that's where the smell was coming from.
 * Sam: I knew getting him protected was a good idea.
 * Ham: Yeah, except now Baby Ziggy's not happy about sitting in his poop.
 * Sam and Ham: Ew!
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee yucky! (cries)
 * Triton: Baby Ziggy, don't cry. Me, Sam and Ham will get you all cleaned up.
 * Sam: After all, we found you.
 * Ham: And we dressed you up.
 * Triton: And we cared for you.
 * Ziggy: (through sniffles) Tank you.
 * (Triton picks up Ziggy.)
 * Triton: Now come on, Lil' Captain, let's get you out of that yucky old diaper and into a fresh new one!
 * Ziggy: (squeals)
 * Triton: That's right, Baby Ziggy, it's clean up time!
 * (Transition to Triton laying Ziggy down on a smooth rock.)
 * Sam: It's a good thing you're the only one doing the changing.
 * Ham: Yeah. There's no way in a million years we're dealing with someone else's poop.
 * Triton: Sam, Ham. You two will be helping.
 * Sam and Ham: Aw!
 * Triton: (cracks his knuckles) All right, Lil' Captain, let's get you changed. (to himself as he removes Ziggy's diaper) Okay Triton, you can do this. I mean, how bad can this be— Baby Ziggy, what a load! It's even worse on the inside! (gags as he waves the smell away from his nose) Well, someone's made a big poopy!
 * Ziggy: Poopy! (giggles)
 * Triton: A messy diaper is no laughing matter, kiddo. You could get a rash if you were in it for too long.
 * Sam: We told you that we didn't want to deal with that!
 * Ham: Sam! He wants us to help him!
 * (Triton lifts Ziggy's legs.)
 * Triton: How did all of that fit inside you?
 * (Ziggy babbles and holds his nose. Sam and Ham are holding their noses in disgust as well.)
 * Sam: He thinks it's from his sea mates.
 * Ham: We think so, too.
 * (Triton holds his nose in disgust as he picks up Ziggy's used diaper.)
 * Triton: Pee-eww! I am not this nasty. Sam, Ham, stay with him and hold him still. I'm going to toss this in the Pits of Fire. This thing is done for.
 * (Triton tosses the used diaper into the Pits of Fire.)
 * Triton: Goodbye, darn ol' disgusting diaper.
 * (The Pits of Fire emit smoke in response.)
 * Triton: Finally, some fresh air. Sam, Ham, are you holding him still?
 * (Sam and Ham are pinning Ziggy, who is babbling as he holds onto Sam's paw and grabs onto Ham's nose.)
 * Sam and Ham: Yes, Triton.
 * (Triton cringes as he grabs some large leaves to clean Ziggy up.)
 * Triton: This is so disgusting.
 * (Sam and Ham stop pinning Ziggy and walk o.s., as Triton lifts Ziggy's legs and begins to wipe his backside.)
 * Triton: But after a while, you realize that it's not that bad once you actually do it.
 * (Triton puts the used leaf down and gets another one.)
 * Triton: Sam? Toss that into the Pits of Fire, will you?
 * Sam: On it.
 * (Sam picks up the used leaf and runs off. Triton wipes Ziggy's backside again, however, during the process, Ziggy rebelliously kicks Triton in the beak.)
 * Triton: What the—?
 * (Triton struggles to keep Ziggy's kicking legs in control.)
 * Triton: Come on, kid, hold still! Hold still! (to Sam and Ham) Sam, Ham, I need your help!
 * (Sam and Ham run to Triton.)
 * Sam: He looks like a handful!
 * Ham: But we can always help!
 * Triton: Hold him, you two!
 * Sam and Ham: Aaaaa!
 * Ziggy: Aaaaa!
 * (Sam and Ham grab onto his legs.)
 * Sam: Look at us, Zi-gato!
 * Ham: We can do this the easy way or the hard way!
 * (Ziggy closes his legs onto Sam and Ham, then kicks them.)
 * Ziggy: (babbles and laughs)
 * Triton: I'm being serious, Lil' Captain, this isn't a game! You will not kick any of us!
 * (Ziggy laughs as he urinates onto Sam, Ham, and Triton. Sam and Ham immediately flee upon this.)
 * Triton: Oh— Baby Ziggy, why would you— yuck!
 * (Triton tries to dodge the stream of urine, but he is still being hit by the stream, and while Ziggy laughs, Triton is angry, with urine dripping off his face. Ziggy babbles in response.)
 * Triton: Bad Ziggy! You would never pee on me, not ever!
 * (Ziggy urinates on him once again and he laughs.)
 * Triton: That's not funny! How dare you—!
 * (Ziggy urinates on him yet again and he laughs.)
 * Triton: Oh yeah, Lil' Captain? Well, two can play at that game!
 * (Triton tries to use a large leaf as a shield, but Ziggy urinates on him once again.)
 * Triton: (laughs) So, you've finally run out of stream, huh, Lil' Captain?
 * (Ziggy babbles angrily as Triton starts to wipe his backside again.)
 * Triton: That's called karma, baby! Whoo whoo!
 * Sam: Looks like you're doing great, Triton.
 * Ham: We're almost finished changing him.
 * Triton: Is this the part where I do my victory dance?
 * Sam: No, Triton.
 * Ham: That's completely unnecessary.
 * (Triton is dancing while playing the shakers.)
 * Triton: ♪We put a dry diaper on, dry diaper, dry diaper on.♪
 * (Ziggy lets out angry babbles.)
 * Triton: All right, I'll finish up.
 * (Triton sprinkles talcum powder onto Ziggy's backside.)
 * Triton: Plenty of powder for you, Lil' Captain. We don't want you to get a rash, don't we?
 * (Ziggy purrs happily.)
 * (Transition to Triton tying a new diaper on Ziggy.)
 * Triton: There you go, kid, all nice and dry. No more icky yucky poopy making you sad.
 * (Ziggy sits up.)
 * Triton: How did I do, huh?
 * (Ziggy smiles.)
 * Ziggy: Zi-ee happy! Tank you, Ti-ton!
 * (Ziggy kisses Triton in the forehead.)
 * Triton: You're welcome, you silly little stinker, you!
 * (Triton tickles Ziggy underneath the chin.)
 * Triton: Coochie-coochie-coo! Coochie-coochie-coo!
 * (Ziggy laughs but then begins to fuss.)
 * Ziggy: Top! Top! Top!
 * Triton: What do you mean, Baby Ziggy?
 * Sam: He wants a top that he found earlier.
 * Ham: We put it in the cave because we're afraid Baby Ziggy wants to eat it.
 * Ziggy: Top! Top! Top!
 * Triton: Just go get the top if it's gonna make him stop fussing!
 * Sam and Ham: Okay, okay!
 * (Cut to Sam and Ham in the cave. Sam and Ham look at the top.)
 * Sam: That thing has a dial on its top. Get it?
 * (Ham switches the dial to "adult.")
 * Ham: I think that top hypnotized him into being a baby!
 * Sam: Let's turn him back!
 * (Cut to Sam and Ham breathlessly running up to Ziggy, who is still fussing, with the top.)
 * Ham: Here, we've got your top!
 * Ziggy: Spin top! Spin top! Spin top! Spin top!
 * Sam: All right, we'll spin the top.
 * (Sam and Ham spin the top and Ziggy's eyes get spirals in them once again.)
 * (The top stops spinning, and Ziggy goes back to normal.)
 * Ziggy: Why am I wearing a bonnet and a diaper?
 * Sam: Well, um... we found you... acting like a baby, and—
 * Ziggy: Grrr, Sam, Ham, I don't want to be seen in this! Why would you dress me up like this?
 * (Ziggy smells something foul in the air once again, indicating that he soiled his diaper once again. Triton then notices the foul smell.)
 * Triton: Pee-eww! Smells like someone’s done another load in his diaper!
 * Ziggy: I did a what in me where—?
 * (Ziggy looks into his soiled diaper and screams.)
 * Ziggy: Ewww! Why did I discover that stupid top in the first place?
 * Sam and Ham: They grow up so fast.
 * Triton: You want me to change you again?
 * Ziggy: Please do, but don't you dare put another diaper on me!
 * (Ziggy lays down once again.)
 * Ziggy: Not another word about this. Ever!