Laser Goes Somewhere: The Game/Marvel at Jerry



Wow.

He is truly a remarkable human bean. You love him, you obsess over him and you would die over him. You remember that moment.. when the door opened, as George Costananza entered Jerry's apartment.

"Pepto bismol. Do you have any Pepto bismol?" George asked.

"No, don't have any of that." replied Jerry. "Kramer took my only bottle last month. Said he needed to "get to the bottom of something", took it, and then left in a hurry. He hasn't returned it."

"Great! That's just great!" George responded with a passive-agressive and sarcastic tone.

"Why?" asked Jerry. "Eat some bad Chinese food or something? Some old leftovers? If that's what it is then stay out of my bathroom. I just cleaned the place."

"No, it's not bad Chinese." said George. "It's much worst than that, Jerry! Much worse!"

"Do you want to tell Jerry what's wrong, George?" Jerry asked in a seductive tone.

"I just came from Bob's house." George started. Then he proceeded to explain. "He and Sharon invited me over for lunch now that they're engaged and since Bob was nice enough to invite me I couldn't say no. Home cooking, a happy couple, not having to go out to eat in some overpriced downtown restaurant with people around? What could go wrong?"

"Well, I don't know, George, what could go wrong?" Jerry replied.

"I'll tell ya what went wrong, Jerry." George said. "Everything. Everything went wrong. Sharon cannot cook. I knew she was a lousy cook but I didn't know how lousy until tonight. I figured she would make something edible and decent but no, not tonight! She cooked pork chops and mashed potatoes and as soon as I saw 'em and smelled 'em I knew it was a bad idea. It was too easy! Too easy for George! There's no way that a free meal among friends was going to work out but I just couldn't stay away. That's my fatal flaw, Jerry. When something's too good to be true, I can't say no!"

"You just can't control yourself, can you?" Jerry knew what was wrong with George by then. "You're out of control, George. You need to rein yourself in."

"I tried, I really did." George replied once again. "When she brought out the food, I told her that I had just had a root canal done and that it probably wasn't a good idea to eat solid food like pork chops or even potatoes because, you know, I might get an infection or something."

"Right, right, an infection." Jerry sighed as he began to become frustrated of George's shenanigans. "Go on."

George then continued. "Well, she wasn't having that, Jerry. She wasn't having that I wasn't having what she and her husband were having! She insisted! And do you know what she insisted, Jerry? Do ya know what she had me do?"

Jerry shrugged up shoulders and puts arms and palms up by sides

"She had me drink that meal through a straw, Jerry!" screamed George. "She took it, put it in a blender, blended it all up like ice cream, and then had me drink it through a straw in a glass."

"You're kidding?" Jerry questioned.

"No, no I'm not kidding." George told Jerry. "I tried to stop it. I really did. I tried to excuse myself to the bathroom where there was a window because, you know, it's on the first floor and I figured that was my only way to get out of there. She told me she had just cleaned the place and that there were chemical fumes lingering and swirling around in there and that I would get sick from them. She said I could use the upstairs bathroom instead. I declined, Jerry." He repeated once more, "I declined."

"Is today the day when we all clean our bathrooms or something?" wondered Jerry. "Because if it is, no one told me. I just happen to clean my bathroom every Thursday. It's tradition, really."

"No." George answered. "No one told me. So I had to sit there and drink that meat and potatoes monstrosity while they stared at me like I was the specimen that they were performing some horrible science experiment on. It was horrible, Jerry. Just horrible. And the meat milkshake? I almost threw it up. But I kept it down, Jerry." George then screamed again. "I KEPT IT WAY DOWN!"

"What else could you do!? You were out of control! They were in control! Never be out of control in another couple's home! Once you're there, you're there! And there's no going back!" Jerry argued and shouted in an angry tone to George Constable Banana.

"I didn't even bother waiting for dessert. For all I know, it would have been chocolate mousse served with a moose's hoof! I couldn't do it!" Greg Banana shouted back.

"My God. All that for a free meal among friends? You see, this is why I don't go anywhere with couples." Jerry critizised. "Blowing off a male friend? No big deal. They get over it, they understand, they reschedule for another time. Men learn to roll with those punches and not take it personally. But when you get the women involved and the men together, there's no getting out of it! You can't say no to a couple! It's 2 against 1! You're outnumbered! If you break one tackle, the other one's there to sack you! It's too much, George. It's too much!"

"I ran out of there like Jim Brown, Jerry." George soon let out of his mouth. "I made a run for it! I came right here. I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. I'm just hoping the meal stays down. I can't bear to see it or smell it again. I just can't do it, Jerry."

Door swings open, smacks against the wall as Kramer enters.

"Heyyyy." Kramer greeted.

"Hey Kramer." Jerry said to Kramer. "George is having a rough time right now. His lunch with Bob and Sharon went sideways and now he's trying to keep it down, with some success."

"Oh." Kramer soon realized. "That's not good. You know what, I had some Pepto bismol in my apartment but I used it all up last week. The one time I forget to rotate my leftovers and mark the dates on them in the fridge is when I go to town on some leftover Kung Pao chicken. Imagine that! The one time! I was down for the count, Jerry. I was down and out! Kung Pow is what I got right to the mid-section!"

"Oh. Oh, no. I'm gonna be sick." George noted. "I gotta use the bathroom."

Jerry screamed while his voice constantly cracked. "No! Not my bathroom! I spent all day cleaning the place and I don't need it desecrated by Sharon's cooking!"

"Kramer!" screamed George. "Kramer, I need your keys! I need your bathroom! I NEED IT NOW!" George is close to crying.

"Hey, HEY! Not today, pal." restricted Kramer. "I just cleaned the place like everybody else today. Don't you know what day it is?"

"NO!" George screamed at Kramer's own long face. "NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS! I DON'T CARE WHAT DAY IT IS!"

George runs out of the apartment and goes yelling down the hallway and then down the stairs.

"He's out of control, Jerry. He's out of control!" said Kramer.

Jerry then said to Kramer: "I know, I told him. Some people just don't wanna listen. Everything is their way or the highway."

Smooth bass line soon started playing.

You sigh to yourself.

"Good memories" you say to yourself.

You then go back to where you were, but not before you say "All good luck and many thanks to the Holy Seinfeld."

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